Heartache 101 ~Sour into Sweet~

Since I want to keep things moving and the rating system alive until it kicks in(if ever), I have taken great measures and rated Marrend's big hit, the Uchioniko!

Story 5/5
Marrend should make money out of this.
I've said on several occations that Marrend's stories are the best we have. In all seriousness, the Uchioniko should not be possible. There is a genki, a magical fighter(who is a tsundere on the side, by the way), an X on low profile and a shy, withdrawn girl in the box, all of which are considered cliches in the genre and outside, wrapped in the good, old, yet all too familiar Heartache premise, but the delivery boy is still so handsome we'd buy it all over again.


'Why hello there! Yeah, put that next to the other stuff. Say, you got time tonight?'

Okay, so this metaphor got carried away a little. The point of it originally was to express that it takes a certain kind of good writer to grab a pile of rusty iron and transmute it into platinum. With all the slowly aging tools used in their making, these stories still manage to stay fresh, interesting and enjoyable. I'm sold three times over.

Characters 4/5(Overall score)
Since this package contains multiple main characters, each of them is discussed separately.
1. Izumi 3/5
I'm not really sure what to make of Izumi's personality. Had I just read the dialog and never use my head, I'd think she doesn't have one, but you can see there is more to her than her archetype, which dies a little with every second program's debut on Fox Kids/Jetix/Disney Channel/I'm not even sure what is it called anymore. She's somewhat of a show(wo?)man, and also is not book dump. And it's perfectly understandable we don't know everything about her, what with her secretive nature, but what we know about her really that, about her, we don't know anything, and that's the only thing you can hang into. All for naught, since nothing gets revealed at all(except, you know, the whole star thing), and the presence of secrets isn't emphatized enough either. I can't tell if there are things to be told about her or she's just bland as it appears.
2. Mayu 4/5
No matter how many times you see tsunderes warm up, you can't really get bored of them, can you? I'd feel very sorry for someone who did. With this always safe bet, Mayu sports some headstart, and while her generics are a sorta weak-ish(and sometimes out of context), her story dialogs are... well, they seem like what a real person similar to Mayu would say, and realism is always good. The way she treats her newfound feelings for the player as a kind of rash is rather amusing.
3. Ruri 4/5
Huh. Who would have thought? Mixing 'hyperactive' and 'roadrunner' with 'energetic' actually works. I'd like to give her five out of five, but that really only is for the cream of it. With the formers, some romantic inexperience and amusing naiveté, we got an original, if parodic person. Well done.
4. Shoko 5/5
CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...(This goes on for six pages.)...UUUTE!
Okay, I'm done, here's the thing. Shoko is magic. She's shy, she doesn't talk, she needs your help like crazy, she has a dark and troubled past, all within the realm of possibility, and behind that, she has depth. The story gets soo deep I can't see the bottom of it. I don't know if it's because Marrend based her on himself, but this girl is special. Neither of these make a good character in themselves; But Marrend storywriting prowess stepped in and said 'I've got this', forged them into one, made everything shiny (I don't know how; presumably cast a spell), and then disappeared into the night like the vigilant it is until the next girl comes. She's a very good character and perfect girlfriend material on top of that. We'd have a hard time finding people not wanting to go out with her, had they been given a chance. And even those would likely get drawn in by her boobs, though that particular charm doesn't affect this rating system.

Experience 4/5
While there were some serious hiccups all around, those are all fixed by now. The Uchioniko provides a pretty decent experience as a part of a game. We're not game designers, so a score of four is something to be proud of.

Content: 2/5
Yyyep. Here we are. I really should have made this the first one... Ya know the feeling when you've eaten a lot of overflavored mass produced whatever, but still want more and more of it? What I feel about Marrend's content is close, only his is a healthy kind of jummy bits. I give content two points because every story is 100% finished, which seems to be a sour point in other works.

Overall rating: 15/20

Content is the amount of quality text and overall gametime. That is, how much content there is for the player to enjoy. It's no good not to satisfy your audience with what we know you are able to provide. Incidentally, I want more of Shoko! And Izumi and Mayu, too, but especially Shoko!
I know you consider the Uchioniko route finished as it stands, but think of it this way: If you don't do it, someone will eventually step up and do it in your place. You might not like that. But if it doesn't contradict the original, I will be both required and willing to upload anything.

I just call the Player 'Ferd' for convinience. Tell you what, let us from this point forward call him Kazuhiko Ferdinand, Ferd for short, who's weapon of choice is the lance! How is that?

And I'm SO in.

"Kirinashi Kyouki's name is almost as famous around school as Shihoko's, although for different reasons. They say she broke every rule there is, and is barking mad. Not a good memo. Of course, nobody told me anything about her before it was too late. Now that we've met, I can tell she's not so bad, but still bad enough to the point where no one can take a step near her without risking a heart attack. Kyouki can turn a normal day into a comedy show in a moment's notice, and it's honestly hard to tell when she does so by accident and when on purpose. I'd bet she doesn't bother to think about what she's doing most of the time, either."

author=Nekochi
Also, as the female representative for this game, I'd buy whatever that delivery boy was selling. ;)

As the bisexual representative, I have to agree with you.

author=Marrend
"So, there's this third-year transfer student called Mitusya Masako, right? She's super-smart. She certainly has this tendency to spout stuff in a way that I just don't understand. Then there's the way she seems to know what people are thinking. It's really freaky! Though, there are times when she seems distracted by something. I wonder what it could be?"
"I can't get Terakado Shoko to talk. On that point, has anyone gotten her to talk? Is she a mute? I don't know. All I know is that there seems to be some aura of sadness around her."

These... suspiciously sound less like the Player and more like you and damn I'm criticizing again just shoot me in the face already>.>

... I can't argue with that. In truth I didn't so much touch her files since I asked Nekochi for help, due to RL issues. In other words, I've been stagnating for two months, and I know I won't have time to work on it up until... yeah, three days from now, maybe not even after that. I'm sorry. Should I delete that part of the post then? T-T

Changes today:

Yuu Lambaria's pack has been marked as not working.
Link to Joruri's quickfix has been added.

author=Marrend
And now, the moment of truth. The first full release of Yume Francesca.

Amount of testing:
Testing? What is that? Please, tell Rasuna!

In other words, I expect to hear some bug reports. I should have really tested this character out more, but, I really want to get this character out of my hair!

Other commentary:
Personally speaking, I suspect the writing fell off with the later STORYs. I attribute this mostly to the fact that I just wanted to get the character out of my hair (see above). Not that I'm trying to excuse myself, but it's something to possibly watch out for.

Oh, you... Have you tought of taking advantage of that little nagging feeling to finish the route and don't put a dot to the end of it until it's satisficatory? It'd be practical, and would save me a facepalm.

The mistakes and errors so far:
-You didn't make sure the stories are separate from or blend into the original Masako and Tsubasa routes. This causes them and the player to look like Alzheimer's or MPD sufferers, which while no doubt amusing, is just not true.
-"Personally speaking, I suspect the writing fell off with the later STORYs." And your solution? "Welp, guess I will upload it anyway and have Dozen figure it out." You're lucky I have no prob with that. If you don't have the time and want someone to do it for you, just say so, silly, no need for fancy talk.
My feelings regarding of the later story events were... mixed. On one hand, I'm pleased to find out that Masako is, in fact, in possession of magical powers(and totally spent four hours figuring out her D&D classes and stats based on this and the Matsumori Days walkthrough. It was a blast!). On the other... Well, let me show you an abridged version:


So yeah. Work on it.
-The game engine can't handle question marks as IDs. Don't use them.
-Minor typos.

Other notes and complaints
-In case you didn't get this from the abrigded version or from the fact the abriged version is almost as long as the real one, I bring to your attention that the route is the shortest route in the history of shortness. All for the worse since it introduces a powerful plot device to Heartache. You know, magic.
-Weak story elements and dialogs all over the place.

The Uchioniko hides in shame, Marrend. You can do better than this, I know it. You'll have to come up with some stories for Fran if you want the route to appear on the Finished Content page. If you don't have the time, I could fix what's done, I have some ideas.

If you agree to a collaboration, that is. It' no pressure, really.

Please don't cut me with that tongue.

Uchioniko updated! Get the file here!

What's changed:

I think it might have technically been in there before, but let's make official note of it. I've added Dozen's event suggestion "Iron Chef Nemoto Mayu" involving Mayu and her cooking skills. There may have been a few minor alterations to said event, but it's still mostly Dozen's writing. Thanks, Dozen!

I've also written in a date sequence with Shoko. To get this sequence, you must assist her with her first jam. The location for this sequence is the Station.

Speaking of Shoko, I have applied her thought processes as commentary to the profile and to the story files wherever she has "lines". These comments provide flavor text, but might also provide even more insight into the character.

I've also written some optional content involving Masako. Each character gets one sequence with her. These sequences require the player to get the INTRODUCTION event of each member of Uchioniko and Masako. These sequences occur during the school phase.

Enjoy!

author=dewelar
So here she is: Yoshimura Noriko.

Knocking in. Dewelar, you don't know me, but I see you know of me, so introductions are forgoed.

I'm impressed by Noriko. I really am, and I'd love to work with her, but... For reasons I'm shouldn't describe(I'm being self-indulgent just by posting here), I can't. I can't really work here anymore.

Since you(unlike just about everyone else on the Heartache forums) have a sense of shame, I'd like to name you my successor as overseer, if neither you nor Flowerthief have qualms. I already sent him a PM. What say you?:)