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DOING IT! - WEEK TWELVE - DIALOGUE
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Liberty
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CloseDOING IT!
Week the twelfth.
Week the twelfth.
DOING IT! is a community event ran each week where a prompt is given and those who wish to fulfill it post their work here. It is entirely optional, you may join at any time - even after a week has finished. Feel free to post as many pieces as you like. Feedback is encouraged.
DETAILED EXPLANATION/QUESTIONS/SUGGESTIONS HERE
RULES
- Post your work in the thread, preferably with some small explanation about it. Whether that be about any troubles you had fulfilling the prompt, how you went about it or how you think it turned out is up to you.
- Feedback is highly encouraged, but optional. No flaming please. Constructional critique is preferred. If you see a piece without feedback, consider leaving even a line about it. Keep feedback polite.
- Keep posts on/in topic. Try not to get too off-track, please.
- "Borrowing". As these threads may include both original graphical and musical creations please ask the creators instead of just adding them to your 'collections'. If authors don't mind adding full works, go ahead, but partial works are also encouraged. If someone states in their post that they do not want their work used, please try to refrain yourself from grabbing with your grubby hands. It makes you look like a fool and a thief when others' point it out. People have been given bad reputations and ostracized from communities for doing this.
- You may add to this topic at any time. A link to this and the other weekly topics to come will be added to the main topic each week. Feel free to add new work to any of them at any time.
If you have any questions, suggestions or ideas for prompts please see the
original thread.
ENJOY YOURSELVES!
PROMPT: TALKIN' 'BOUT IT
Dialogue is a large part of your game. It is what enables your characters to come alive and can be a great device for giving information. So let's work on that this week. Take a few conversations you're not happy with and work on them. Take into consideration the flow of the conversation, any repetitions made in it, characterisation and information. Post up something you're happy with and something you're not and let's work together to make better dialogue~
Go forth and create!
Dialogue is a large part of your game. It is what enables your characters to come alive and can be a great device for giving information. So let's work on that this week. Take a few conversations you're not happy with and work on them. Take into consideration the flow of the conversation, any repetitions made in it, characterisation and information. Post up something you're happy with and something you're not and let's work together to make better dialogue~
Go forth and create!
Previous Topics
WEEK TWELVE: TALKIN' 'BOUT IT
OK- I'm kinda pleased with this her,e though i found myself altering it as I wrote. This seems to be shaping up to be web comic.. Anyway, the two characters are Cyric and Damon,high-school boys who're stuck in another dimension.
D: So let me see if I've got this straight.. . . Your father accidentally brought your mother Fayette over through his experiments.
C Yep.
D: Some time after they got married and you were born your uncle tracked her back to our dimension and killed her.
C; Right on all counts.
D: You're the Macguffin. Your uncle wants to use your powers to take over the rest of the world and crush the remaining pesky humans. Good so far?
C; No, I'm a potential Person of Mass Destruction.
*Snort* - Anything else you want to know?
D: So let me see if I've got this straight.. . . Your father accidentally brought your mother Fayette over through his experiments.
C Yep.
D: Some time after they got married and you were born your uncle tracked her back to our dimension and killed her.
C; Right on all counts.
D: You're the Macguffin. Your uncle wants to use your powers to take over the rest of the world and crush the remaining pesky humans. Good so far?
C; No, I'm a potential Person of Mass Destruction.
*Snort* - Anything else you want to know?
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
I like the idea of one character telling another character "YOU'RE the Macguffin." Especially if they're both party members.
So, here's some nontraditional dialogue I'm working on for my game. I'd like suggestions for it.
Scenario: One of the puzzles in Terra Cave is a really hard riddle. The hardest in the game, if the number of people who actually sent me bug reports claiming that they couldn't get through the dungeon is any evidence.
Specifically, there's a room with five switches in it, and after you pass through it, a stone tablet blocking the exit. If you read the tablet, it says, "Titan sleeps beyond this door. Do not disturb." The solution is to not hit any of the switches. As the text "do not disturb" implies. Yeah, I should be shot in the face.
Instead of getting rid of this riddle like a sensible person, I'm going to add some awesome dialogue if you spend more than 3 minutes walking around without solving it. Here is my dialogue so far, please offer suggestion.
Sedryna: Sigh. This puzzle is completely horrible. Whoever designed it should be shot in the face.
* A guy with glasses beams down from the heavens *
Game Designer: Look, it's not a puzzle, it's a riddle.
Sedryna: ...Uh, who are you?
Game Designer: It's not even a hard riddle. The only thing that makes it hard is that you don't realize it's a riddle.
Sedryna: What? There's not a riddle here. There's not even a clue. Just one engraving telling me "Do not disturb."
Game Designer: I just told you it's a riddle, and you just pointed out the only line of text in the entire dungeon, and you still can't figure out that the text is the clue? You are completely hopeless. Here is a tip for you: "Do not disturb" is the freaking clue. You have to use that clue to figure out how to align the switches. I'm so sick of people emailing me asking how to get through this dungeon.
Sedryna: ...You cannot be serious.
Game Designer: And because I'm feeling generous, here's a second clue: the switches all started in the up position.
Sedryna: ...That's horrible. That's the worst riddle I've ever seen in my life. Stand still so I can stab you.
Game Designer: Gotta go, my pizza is ready! Thanks for playing!
At the end there, I'm torn between having my self-inserted avatar (who appears at no other point in the game, by the way) simply beam back up to the heavens with a flimsy excuse (as it's currently written), or initiate a boss fight in which the player actually gets to kill me.
So, here's some nontraditional dialogue I'm working on for my game. I'd like suggestions for it.
Scenario: One of the puzzles in Terra Cave is a really hard riddle. The hardest in the game, if the number of people who actually sent me bug reports claiming that they couldn't get through the dungeon is any evidence.
Specifically, there's a room with five switches in it, and after you pass through it, a stone tablet blocking the exit. If you read the tablet, it says, "Titan sleeps beyond this door. Do not disturb." The solution is to not hit any of the switches. As the text "do not disturb" implies. Yeah, I should be shot in the face.
Instead of getting rid of this riddle like a sensible person, I'm going to add some awesome dialogue if you spend more than 3 minutes walking around without solving it. Here is my dialogue so far, please offer suggestion.
Sedryna: Sigh. This puzzle is completely horrible. Whoever designed it should be shot in the face.
* A guy with glasses beams down from the heavens *
Game Designer: Look, it's not a puzzle, it's a riddle.
Sedryna: ...Uh, who are you?
Game Designer: It's not even a hard riddle. The only thing that makes it hard is that you don't realize it's a riddle.
Sedryna: What? There's not a riddle here. There's not even a clue. Just one engraving telling me "Do not disturb."
Game Designer: I just told you it's a riddle, and you just pointed out the only line of text in the entire dungeon, and you still can't figure out that the text is the clue? You are completely hopeless. Here is a tip for you: "Do not disturb" is the freaking clue. You have to use that clue to figure out how to align the switches. I'm so sick of people emailing me asking how to get through this dungeon.
Sedryna: ...You cannot be serious.
Game Designer: And because I'm feeling generous, here's a second clue: the switches all started in the up position.
Sedryna: ...That's horrible. That's the worst riddle I've ever seen in my life. Stand still so I can stab you.
Game Designer: Gotta go, my pizza is ready! Thanks for playing!
At the end there, I'm torn between having my self-inserted avatar (who appears at no other point in the game, by the way) simply beam back up to the heavens with a flimsy excuse (as it's currently written), or initiate a boss fight in which the player actually gets to kill me.
I suggest leaving it off the entire dialogue out as you would definitely get killed. My suggestion is to make the sign two-sided, like a door hanger. One side says "Titan sleeps beyond. Do not disturb. " The other side says, "Please leave all switches on after making up room" which should make people think abut the position of the switches.
And Cyric IS important, though not, in the strictest sense, a Macguffin, which refers to an item that drives the plot but serves no further purpose, or an item that could be swapped out for something else without changing the plot.
And Cyric IS important, though not, in the strictest sense, a Macguffin, which refers to an item that drives the plot but serves no further purpose, or an item that could be swapped out for something else without changing the plot.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
I might make the riddle optional, but I'm not making it easier. Nor am I convinced that drawing attention away from the clue that tells you the solution would make the riddle easier anyway.
Any suggestions about the actual dialogue? I might scrap it and do something else instead, but only if someone can convince me that the dialogue is unsalvagable rubbish - I don't really need to hear gameplay arguments, I've gone through those enough times already in my head.
Any suggestions about the actual dialogue? I might scrap it and do something else instead, but only if someone can convince me that the dialogue is unsalvagable rubbish - I don't really need to hear gameplay arguments, I've gone through those enough times already in my head.
It's not drawing attention away, it's stimulating nonlinear thinking to produce insight.
Yeah, the dialogue leans toward unsalvageable rubbish- why would a character who's never bothered to make an appearance before now suddenly pop up to vent about one puzzle and have a long, rambling conversation with the protagonist? It makes no sense.
MY suggestion is to simply throw in a bit of a nudge- like this:
*A rope suddenly appears on the wall, and a man climbs down it.*
Sedryna: Wha- how did you get over there?
Man: It's easy once you know how. Just ask yourself if Titan's really what you shouldn't be disturbing.
*Man runs off, taking the rope with him*
Admittedly this kind of makes the puzzle harder in a way, but nudges the player toward a correct answer indirectly, as it attempts to get the player to reconsider and reinterpret the message. "What else could the message mean?"
Yeah, the dialogue leans toward unsalvageable rubbish- why would a character who's never bothered to make an appearance before now suddenly pop up to vent about one puzzle and have a long, rambling conversation with the protagonist? It makes no sense.
MY suggestion is to simply throw in a bit of a nudge- like this:
*A rope suddenly appears on the wall, and a man climbs down it.*
Sedryna: Wha- how did you get over there?
Man: It's easy once you know how. Just ask yourself if Titan's really what you shouldn't be disturbing.
*Man runs off, taking the rope with him*
Admittedly this kind of makes the puzzle harder in a way, but nudges the player toward a correct answer indirectly, as it attempts to get the player to reconsider and reinterpret the message. "What else could the message mean?"
cho
0
Fourth wall breakage isn't really supposed to make sense, is it?
That said I like BurningTyger's suggestion better just because I'm not a fan of breaking the fourth wall, but it could be inconsistent with whatever lore the game has; maybe it wouldn't make any sense for someone else to know the solution to the riddle.
also wow i have not posted in a while thank god for having free time once in my life
p.s. all my dialogue is the best always i need no suggestions (i need demands someone stop this horrendous cycle)
That said I like BurningTyger's suggestion better just because I'm not a fan of breaking the fourth wall, but it could be inconsistent with whatever lore the game has; maybe it wouldn't make any sense for someone else to know the solution to the riddle.
also wow i have not posted in a while thank god for having free time once in my life
p.s. all my dialogue is the best always i need no suggestions (i need demands someone stop this horrendous cycle)
JayEsz666
245
This is a lil' scene setting page that I wrote last night to begin a lil side project.
Not sure what it's gonna be yet, but I thought it was good..!
"I heard it said once; that when the world ends, it will not be with a bang, but with a whimper.
That man did not live to see the end of the world, for if he had then he would know like I do that it was sung; with the groans of the dying, and the howls of the damned, who knew that there fate was no longer theirs but could not except.
We were so smart, so full of hope; this world. But our reality was just another illusion, founded on burger bars and cappuccinos. We grew to believe that we were the pinnacle of our history, only to discover that behind the thin veneer the puppet master had cut his strings; and that our limbs had grow weak and ineffectual because of the touch of a button.
We lost hope, and in that darkness we found the truth taught to us as the Survival of the Fittest."
Not sure what it's gonna be yet, but I thought it was good..!
"I heard it said once; that when the world ends, it will not be with a bang, but with a whimper.
That man did not live to see the end of the world, for if he had then he would know like I do that it was sung; with the groans of the dying, and the howls of the damned, who knew that there fate was no longer theirs but could not except.
We were so smart, so full of hope; this world. But our reality was just another illusion, founded on burger bars and cappuccinos. We grew to believe that we were the pinnacle of our history, only to discover that behind the thin veneer the puppet master had cut his strings; and that our limbs had grow weak and ineffectual because of the touch of a button.
We lost hope, and in that darkness we found the truth taught to us as the Survival of the Fittest."
There's a few spelling errors:
"I heard it said once; that when the world ends, it will not be with a bang, but with a whimper.
That man did not live to see the end of the world, for if he had then he would know like I do that it was sung; with the groans of the dying, and the howls of the damned, who knew that their fate was no longer theirs but could not accept.
We were so smart, so full of hope; this world. But our reality was just another illusion, founded on burger bars and cappuccinos. We grew to believe that we were at the pinnacle of our history, only to discover that behind the thin veneer the puppet master had cut his strings; and that our limbs had grown weak and ineffectual because of the touch of a button.
We lost hope, and in that darkness we found the truth taught to us as the Survival of the Fittest."
Also, there are too many run-on sentences. I know that fragmented sentences are frowned on but they are effective as a means of adding drama to a piece. As with everything, just don't over use them. I'd also cut down on the comma usage a bit. You don't need them too much after every 'and' as they are sometimes used as a substitute for it. Also, it's very flowery but some parts don't make sense or seem to be missing something to make it clearer - such as the last part of the last line. My recommendation is as follows, but ultimately it's up to you. ^.^
"I'd heard it said once that when the world ends it would not be with a bang, but with a whimper.
That man did not live to see the end of the world. If he had he would know, as I do, that it was sung - with the groans of the dying and the howls of the damned who could not accept that their fate was no longertheirs (in their control?).
We were so smart, so full of hope, this world. But our reality was just an illusion founded on burger bars and cappuccinos. We grew to believe that we were at the pinnacle of history only to discover that behind the thin veneer the puppet master had cut the strings - that our limbs had grown weak, ineffectual. Allthrough the touch of a button.
We lost hope. In the darkness that came we found a truth. A creed/truth/concept/philosophy/law called the Survival of the Fittest."
"I heard it said once; that when the world ends, it will not be with a bang, but with a whimper.
That man did not live to see the end of the world, for if he had then he would know like I do that it was sung; with the groans of the dying, and the howls of the damned, who knew that their fate was no longer theirs but could not accept.
We were so smart, so full of hope; this world. But our reality was just another illusion, founded on burger bars and cappuccinos. We grew to believe that we were at the pinnacle of our history, only to discover that behind the thin veneer the puppet master had cut his strings; and that our limbs had grown weak and ineffectual because of the touch of a button.
We lost hope, and in that darkness we found the truth taught to us as the Survival of the Fittest."
Also, there are too many run-on sentences. I know that fragmented sentences are frowned on but they are effective as a means of adding drama to a piece. As with everything, just don't over use them. I'd also cut down on the comma usage a bit. You don't need them too much after every 'and' as they are sometimes used as a substitute for it. Also, it's very flowery but some parts don't make sense or seem to be missing something to make it clearer - such as the last part of the last line. My recommendation is as follows, but ultimately it's up to you. ^.^
"I'd heard it said once that when the world ends it would not be with a bang, but with a whimper.
That man did not live to see the end of the world. If he had he would know, as I do, that it was sung - with the groans of the dying and the howls of the damned who could not accept that their fate was no longer
We were so smart, so full of hope, this world. But our reality was just an illusion founded on burger bars and cappuccinos. We grew to believe that we were at the pinnacle of history only to discover that behind the thin veneer the puppet master had cut the strings - that our limbs had grown weak, ineffectual. All
We lost hope. In the darkness that came we found a truth. A creed/truth/concept/philosophy/law called the Survival of the Fittest."
JayEsz666
245
post=150243
There's a few spelling errors:
"I heard it said once; that when the world ends, it will not be with a bang, but with a whimper.
That man did not live to see the end of the world, for if he had then he would know like I do that it was sung; with the groans of the dying, and the howls of the damned, who knew that their fate was no longer theirs but could not accept.
We were so smart, so full of hope; this world. But our reality was just another illusion, founded on burger bars and cappuccinos. We grew to believe that we were at the pinnacle of our history, only to discover that behind the thin veneer the puppet master had cut his strings; and that our limbs had grown weak and ineffectual because of the touch of a button.
We lost hope, and in that darkness we found the truth taught to us as the Survival of the Fittest."
Also, there are too many run-on sentences. I know that fragmented sentences are frowned on but they are effective as a means of adding drama to a piece. As with everything, just don't over use them. I'd also cut down on the comma usage a bit. You don't need them too much after every 'and' as they are sometimes used as a substitute for it. Also, it's very flowery but some parts don't make sense or seem to be missing something to make it clearer - such as the last part of the last line. My recommendation is as follows, but ultimately it's up to you. ^.^
"I'd heard it said once that when the world ends it would not be with a bang, but with a whimper.
That man did not live to see the end of the world. If he had he would know, as I do, that it was sung - with the groans of the dying and the howls of the damned who could not accept that their fate was no longertheirs(in their control?).
We were so smart, so full of hope, this world. But our reality was just an illusion founded on burger bars and cappuccinos. We grew to believe that we were at the pinnacle of history only to discover that behind the thin veneer the puppet master had cut the strings - that our limbs had grown weak, ineffectual. Allthrough the touch of a button.
We lost hope. In the darkness that came we found a truth. A creed/truth/concept/philosophy/law called the Survival of the Fittest."
Thanks for the information about the spelling, I'm usually good at spelling but I did do it at 3am..! :-)
The thing that you said about parts not making sense, well its hard to describe in text but I'll give it a go...
The things that are missing from the sentences are things that we should ALL know as modern 21st century people...
The line '...and that our limbs had grow weak and ineffectual because of the touch of a button.' for example is a reference to the fact that in our modern life we have been made weak by everything being easily accessed or as those commercial say 'at the touch of a button'.
So I shouldn't need to spell it out like that coz its a given... this also goes for Survival of the Fittest... everyone should know what that appertains to..! :-)
Thanks for the recommendations Liberty, but I was going for a more Theatrical theme not as 'spelt' out as you re-wrote it... :-) Also, this way of speaking is a current theme in British Theatrical Writing...
*EDIT: Btw, I just realised that that came of really aggressive... I didn't mean it that way..!
cho
0
post=150243I've totally been using fragmented sentences too much in my current project but they're just so darn convenient for dialogue-box use.
I know that fragmented sentences are frowned on but they are effective as a means of adding drama to a piece. As with everything, just don't over use them.
Then again I haven't written anything like........... this............ yet............ so I think I am okay.
I re-write at least one line of dialogue every time I open up RMVX. True story.
Since I am a) secretive, b) insecure and fragile, and c) always re-working dialogue on my own anyways, I'd like to pose a question to people: how much dialogue do you think is too much? Especially regarding length vs. frequency, since I feel like I'm okay at keeping things short but I might simply be adding too many places for dialogue to occur.
Just redone the intro a bit with Marian and Ash's first appearance, I hope the dialogue kinda shows their relationship and how they treat each other.
Marian: “Ash! Hurry up you good for nothing servant, we'll be late!â€
Ash: “What is it Marian? It's midnight, shouldn't you be sleeping?â€
Marian: “No you fool, look outside.â€
Ash: “Hm…?â€
(Ash's goes outside the window for a bit or peek, then comes back in.)
Ash: “I see a Full Moon. I know it strengthens magic but it doesn't explain anything.â€
Marian: “You stupid familiar! Have you forgotten what we're supposed to be doing today?â€
Ash: “AH! …You were actually serious?â€
Marian: “Of course I am! Now get ready, we're about to leave.â€
Ash: “Marian, look at me. It. Won't. Work.â€
Marian: “What? Do you think I'm doing this UNPREPARED? Bah, whatever. You're useless as always, just watch and see!â€
(Marian storms out of her room)
Ash: “MARIAN WAIT!â€
(Ash soon follows after)
(<_<; )
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
post=150193
MY suggestion is to simply throw in a bit of a nudge- like this:
*A rope suddenly appears on the wall, and a man climbs down it.*
Sedryna: Wha- how did you get over there?
Man: It's easy once you know how. Just ask yourself if Titan's really what you shouldn't be disturbing.
*Man runs off, taking the rope with him*
That's not really a nudge so much as it's just the answer. I was really looking for dialogue suggestions instead of puzzle suggestions, since, you know, this is dialogue week and not puzzle week. Eh, maybe there's just not any good way to do the dialogue.
Archeia: Something about that dialogue sounds incredibly stuffy and fake to me. I think it's because of the interjection of information in very unnatural places. And "you good for nothing servant" is so fake-sounding that it sounds tongue-in-cheek. I'd change it to something more like:
Marian: “Ash! Hurry up, we'll be late!â€
Ash: “What is it? It's midnight, shouldn't you be sleeping?â€
Marian: “No, you fool, look outside.â€
Ash: “Hm…?â€
Ash: “I don't see anything. Just a peaceful night.â€
Marian: “You stupid familiar! It's a full moon! Have you forgotten what we're supposed to be doing today?â€
At some point later you'll have to find a way to mention that the full moon amplifies magic, if it's relevant. Probably when the details become relevant would be the best time to mention it. At this point, it's enough that the player knows the full moon is important for some reason.
As humor it-s OK- as a way of helping the player with the puzzle, I find it rather lacking, in focus and direction.However,i cna understand your wanting to make an apaerance.
How about:
*LockeZ appears"
Sedryna: Who the hell are you?
Locke: The creator of this puzzle. You wouldn't BELIEVE how many angry letters I get saying it's too hard. As if puzzles guarding ancient beings are supposed to be EASY...
^_^; . . . I suppose you want help now...
Sedryna: . . . Yes, please.
Locke: Know this, then- to move forward you must let sleeping dogs lie.
S: What's that supposed to mean?
Locke::Ooh, look at the time, gotta go! *Disappears*
S: Crazy bastard... not much help either...
How about:
*LockeZ appears"
Sedryna: Who the hell are you?
Locke: The creator of this puzzle. You wouldn't BELIEVE how many angry letters I get saying it's too hard. As if puzzles guarding ancient beings are supposed to be EASY...
^_^; . . . I suppose you want help now...
Sedryna: . . . Yes, please.
Locke: Know this, then- to move forward you must let sleeping dogs lie.
S: What's that supposed to mean?
Locke::Ooh, look at the time, gotta go! *Disappears*
S: Crazy bastard... not much help either...
cho
0
post=150496but it like spelled out the answer entirely
as a way of helping the player with the puzzle, I find it rather lacking, in focus and direction
I mean I understand not wanting to totally spell it out but if the player has gone 3 minutes without figuring it out they're probably going to need it.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
Yeah so apparently no one has any problems with the actual writing or anything, which is what I was asking about, so I'm calling a close on the crazy-ass switch puzzle discussion. (crazy ass-switch puzzle discussion)
I'll just either go with what I've got or make the puzzle optional.
I'll just either go with what I've got or make the puzzle optional.
post=150500Not necessarily. It requires a kind of nonlinear thinking not everyone is good at.post=150496but it like spelled out the answer entirely
as a way of helping the player with the puzzle, I find it rather lacking, in focus and direction
I mean I understand not wanting to totally spell it out but if the player has gone 3 minutes without figuring it out they're probably going to need it.
I'ds suggest playing up the "untouched' condition of the switches a bit, though of course it still takes thought to realize the significance:
Sedryna: Achoo! When's the last time someone dusted in here?
On taking another look, I see your dialogue is not as rambling as I'd thought, but I feel I can make it wittier and more concise, while retaining essentially the same information:
Sedryna:* Sigh* This puzzle is completely horrible. Whoever designed it should be shot in the face.
* with a flash, a bespectacled guy appears from nowhere *
???: You are COMPLETELY hopeless.
Sedryna: ...Who the hell are you?
???:The creator of this puzzle- or rather, riddle.
S: WHAT? What riddle? I don't even see any question, just a sign saying "Do not disturb."
???: *Snort* Which is the ONLY text in a room with untouched switches, ALL of which started in the up position. I mean, how stupid can you get?
Sedryna: Why you. . . *Attempts to swipe at him*
???: I think I smell my pizza burning . . . gotta go!
*disappears*
It says basically the same thing as your version, but in half as many sentences, and without making a big fuss about author insertion.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
Guys, guys, it's not puzzle week. I'm sorry for posting dialogue that was related to a puzzle. I just wanted advice on ways to make it sound less drawn out or more silly or whatever, because I felt like it was bad writing but couldn't pinpoint what needed fixing.
In the end I removed the need for the dialogue, so it's no longer relevant anyway. Move on to someone else's stuff.
In the end I removed the need for the dialogue, so it's no longer relevant anyway. Move on to someone else's stuff.
