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WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?
Posts
Killer Wolf
1235
Killer Wolf
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Closeauthor=LockeZ
Funny, I'm pretty sure just about anyone else would give their left nut for something that removes or dampens all their dark and painful emotions leaving only happiness and joy, which is legal and has no major side-effects
At least I would
The effect it has on my perception IS a side effect. (There are other side-effects too, all of which get worse over time) I’m taking the stuff to try and manage my pain while I work on strengthening an injured area of my body. I don’t like that it puts a rainbow colored bag over my head and then asks me to play pin the tail on the donkey at the same time.
An example: I found something out today that, normally, that would make me feel like I just got sucker punched by a guy using a chainsaw as a pair of brass knuckles, but I don’t FEEL anything. Intellectually, I know what is going on, but there is a disconnect. I just feel numb.
Worse still, using the pain killers seems to have reset my onboard pain tolerance. I skipped a dose this afternoon just to try and see where my recovery is at. Either this most recent re-injury is worse than anything I’ve had to deal with in the last four years, or I’ve totally lost the resistance I had built up to the level of background pain that is, unfortunately, normal for me. I made the mistake of attempting a therapy session without the chemical buffer. Lets just say it didn’t go so well, which unfortunately means I’m still a ways off from being able to just flush the rest of the prescription and get back to relative normalcy.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
I would suggest that feeling that bad about stuff isn't healthy or normal to begin with. Pain has a very negative effect on your mental state, and it's likely that the negative feelings were actually being enhanced and strengthened beyond what's normal by the pain. I'm speaking from personal experience here. While it's possible that some of what you're feeling is actually a neurological side-effect of the medication, it's also very likely that some of what you're feeling is just the removal of the side-effects of the pain. Pain has side-effects too, is what I'm saying.
I keep mistaking LockeZ's posts with those of TehGuy's. ...What's so cool about that face anyway?
Edit Well, that's, odd... And I probably should pay more attention to this site's events too. xP
Edit Well, that's, odd... And I probably should pay more attention to this site's events too. xP
LockeZ, as a reward for the Boss Challenge event, offered to the winner the opportunity to change his avatar to whatever they wanted it to be.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
I knew the choice would make me scream and cry but I didn't expect it to also be confusing. Of course that just makes me scream and cry more. Which is surely the intended effect.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
Hmm, what avatar should I change to afterward? I could bring back the House Pony, or something new.
Otokonoko
60
author=chana
How about something less severe, you've got to have a "happy go lucky" side, somewheres...
____________________/
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
My name is after Locke from FF6, but I could always make my avatar be a different Locke.
Killer Wolf
1235
author=LockeZ
...Pain has a very negative effect on your mental state, and it's likely that the negative feelings were actually being enhanced and strengthened beyond what's normal by the pain...
Oh there's no doubt about that. To this day, aside from feeling sleepy/lightheaded a few times, the general chemical fogginess, and the depression blocking effect I mentioned before, I've never really felt what you could call a 'high' from any of the myriad narcotic pain relievers I've been prescribed over the years. I believe the 'bliss' I get, when it happens at all, is just from the cessation of pain.
My first major injury happened when I was sixteen. I was on pain killers constantly for the next five years, then sporadically for five years after that. Of course, I was also on anti-depressants on and off during that time. When I cut them all out completely, it felt like I was waking up from a long hibernation. I'd still fall back to having to use a couple pain killers for temporary flare ups and new/re-injuries, but I didn't want to have to ride them just to get through the day to day pain. It didn't feel like I was living my life, it felt like I was watching it through a veil.
Pain has a very negative effect on your mental state, and it's likely that the negative feelings were actually being enhanced and strengthened beyond what's normal by the pain. I'm speaking from personal experience here. While it's possible that some of what you're feeling is actually a neurological side-effect of the medication, it's also very likely that some of what you're feeling is just the removal of the side-effects of the pain. Pain has side-effects too, is what I'm saying.p.
This is really largely why I'm such a morose bastard. I suffer from constant un-medicated depression and anxiety, and if we're going to play "pin the cause on the donkey" I would definitely pick physical pain from illness, out of all of the factors in my life, as the most important one that is fucking my mental state.
I learned recently that another side effect of pain is making you more sensitive to pain. How fucked up is that?
Anyway, Locke, you should trim this down and make it your avatar.
Hi Kentona. Can you please accept my download that's in the submission queue? I'm trying to get it out to my playtesters.
author=Avee
Today was my last day of school, ever.
I just completed my Master's Degree :D
That's awesome! What are you going to be?
--
I wonder why I am not getting feedback on my demo. :\
Killer Wolf
1235
author=Avee
Today was my last day of school, ever.
I just completed my Master's Degree :D
Congratulations!
I spent some time tonight looking over my recent posts, particularly the stuff here regarding my current situation, and it reminded me of some advice a Navy Seal friend of mine gave me about pain.
“Running from pain is just waste of time. You have to get comfortable with it. You have to learn what your body can do, and what it can’t, and you have to figure out when it is lying to you about what it can’t do.”
The only reason this happened to me again is because I let myself get soft. I know that I need to keep the therapy up, and I deserved this for letting myself get so complacent about my condition. It is time for a change.
As of this post I am Percocet free for two days. I'm still taking the metaxolone to address the physical problem, ie the muscle spasms, but the time for round the clock narcotic pain killers has passed.
Corny as it may be, it is time to internalize some old AFI lyrics again - "When you're bound by your own convictions, a discipline can be your addiction."
