DOZEN'S PROFILE

author=dewelar
*raises eyebrow*

I wasn't responding to anybody. I was posting a game mechanics suggestion.

Marrend has sight issues too. And the reading comprehension in regards to the English language kinda as a freshly deported refugee from the Peruvian gold mines.

You aren't a lot better though, sorry._. Please practice a little more.

author=Marrend
Hrm. I've an event that sees Emiko/<player> in a bad part of town. The plan is to place these two into a life or death situation. However, I seem to recall certain complaints made against an early release of then-called Konae's Detective Agency that give me pause in going through with this plan.

I just don't know. I know the commentary I got for KDA back then amounted to "This doesn't actually happen, there's no way it's believable,"

Yeah. There are slums in Japan, but they are peaceful, serene places with the occassional quiet drunk or polite beggar. Destructive, high profile crime in Japan is limited to sporadical incidents. It's just too much of a shame. And, Yakuza don't generally attack high schoolers for their lunch money:3

So go with the idea of hitmen. Emiko is a government official, she'll have enemies. Or they might jump at the chance to extort some ransom when they see the famous agent walking down the street, alternatively~ With her sole "body guard" who isn't legally allowed to drive yet... she might just look like an easy target.

Knowing her? Emphasis on 'look like'^^

author=Render

Show

I'm talking about how people would buy underwear just to smell it throughout the day. I wrote underwear fetishes because I felt like it was a bit raunchy to post.

So was I!:3
The majority of them are into that^^' It's like, say, how we're into masturbation. There are some people who don't enjoy it, prolly. There are also some shmucks who have so little regard for the rest of us they'd do it in daylight. But having the thing for it is the standard, not the exception. You can buy that underwear, hide it throughout the day, and... use when no one can see it, like a picture of a model you really like. Standard teenage girls and boys.

author=Kevincalator
Guess that half of our girls would break up that machine on sight... (and the store owner afterwards) :p

Mhm^^
That's the right attitude to have:3

author=Render
Also, to Dozen...
I read your post again and realized that I misunderstood it HEAVILY. That was childlish of me, and I can assure you that no such thing will happen again.

^^~
Thank you for considering me:3

author=Render
However, for the people who have tested Megumi, I DO have some questions for you...
1) Was the introduction event rocky? I feel like it could be more natural.

It could be, I'd say; but it would make it worse, not better.

The event's 'rocky' nature as you'd put it stems from Megumi's characteristics. She's caught up in her own little business where other people's ills and expectations matter little to her in comparison. The event does a great job of portraying that!^^
Honestly, what would an alternative be? The girl runs into the player, and apologizes? We've seen that a thousand times, doesn't fit Megumi's personality, and, 'less it did so it would certainly not be an entertaining story.

Leave her role in it as it is for the most part.^^

author=Render
2) Does the player sound like Flowerthief's player? I'm trying to a for that.

Not up with my standards, it fits into the requirements neat(the requirements are not based on my standards cuz my standards are impossible). He does sound like him decently. ... but he isn't. For one reason: He doesn't think to himself.
An important characteristic of the Player early on is a diminished ability to express himself well. He has thoughts and ideas grounded in common sense, a pleasantly slow nature, and a pinch of perversion, but he doesn't have the know-how to say any of that out loud at the beginning of the game without sounding like a creep.

This lends itself to story-telling devices, by the way~ The Player's inner monologues are often(In fact, should be) used to lampshade something odd that happened during, or after an event in question. In the first event, he would comment on how she takes an entire class consisting of morons for granted based on hearsay, definitely. Lacking this particular addition to assure those in front of the screen that 'Yes, we are aware this is ridiculous. It's part of the story, and we are not idiots.' we and our game would be seen in the perception of the audience we wouldn't want to.

Also, it's amazing to portray tension(see Akari's or Shoko's route) or a lead to something silly(see pretty much everything, starting with the prologue).

author=Render
3) What is your opinion of the Soul Check?

*reads*
Uuuuu O_o
This is awful>.<
Not in a storytelling sense, of course, but geez.

That said. The player would never be that big of an ass. And it doesn't take a Soul score of 30 to have the mere sympathy, let alone empathy, to let people you want to like you tell you a story without criticising it before you've heard it, after you agreed to hear the story. That'd be a Soul check of around 5, and no one lets it fall so low.

author=Render
4) Where do you think the story is heading? (I'm just curious about this.)

All over the place. Just like it should be!^^ Long as the lines end at the place they're supposed to:3

author=Render
5) Is there any other opinions that you'd like to share? Possibly things I could tweak or add.

There's always something~ You can polish each and every line close to perfection! No such thing as no room for improvement. Just don't forget, it's rare thing the improvement will be significant enough to delay the release, once you felt it's up to it.

Ironically, the only thing the player thinks to himself, the 'She left' comments, are boring and redundant, like you felt the conversation beforehand needs some closure, but ended the thought process right there instead of giving it the closure. Look more closely for times when there is a comment needed, and when there is, write in more length and meaning. When there's nothing to reflect on, leave it out altogether. They can see she's gone. The screen fades away.

Oh, do something with the panty machine event. That thing shouldn't be taken so naturally, despite the (hopefully?o.o) fresh panties. Kyouki works there every Wednesday(Of course she does! That's where the porn mags right next to the counter come from!~^^). I'll work it into whatever you come up with~

As always, devs, I'm yours. Overseer off.

Don't interpret a harsh post as a personal attack. I'm just serious like that^^ We can't afford humor or social niceties in these topics. What was important to get the warning across.