JERICHO'S PROFILE

NOT A DOG F-

I'm not sure if Storm Eagle's level quite fits as a dungeon, but here it is anyway. it's megaman. it's rad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sayGb0MMS_k


At this point in Chrono Cross, you're exploring what is essentially a ghost city that is a amalgamation of different timelines and dimensions. You are alone in more than one dead world, but I only really felt alone because of this song. All of the music in this game, save for perhaps the main battle theme, is really good.


The pace of this song may seem strange if you haven't played Ys, which is a very high speed slash and hack game. nothing else to say except it rawks

do not know how to do what, specifically.

author=Yeaster
It was a dark and quiet place.This is a very cliche way to start a story. I am assuming you know this, but it does not really grab the reader. A stream of water rested over the marble surface, hidden underneath a thin layer of mist. Streams are not known for resting. I suggest you either change the word or the description of the water. Additionally, marble surface is very vague. A floor? It becomes even more confusing when you use the word surface again. The sky was an endless sheet of black, stretching high and wide across, not an object to be found in its darkness.You can do better than "object." The surface, a green crystal-like structure, provided some lighting, but it did not make navigation any less obscured for this place did not seem to have a clear beginning nor did it have a clear end.This is what I was talking about earlier. When you use the word surface twice in a such a short amount of time, the reader naturally assumes you are speaking of the same thing. I can assume that the marble surface is a floor of some sort, though I have no idea if it is an open temple or anything else, but I have no idea what the green crystal is. It's not marble, obviously, so it is not the floor, which leaves me very curious as to what is being referred to. Additionally, navigation cannot is not something that can be obscured. The last part of this paragraph is too chunky. "no beginning nor end" says the same thing and flows better.



A young man came to consciousness. He rose from the stream and searched the area with his eyes.
I don't know what else he would be searching with. Generally, though, when you are searching, you are trying to find something specific. It sounds like this guy is just trying to get his bearings, so the word search doesn't really work.

What is this place, he thought to himself. You can just make this "What is this place?" without the quotation marks and drop the "he thought to himself." He opened his mouth to speak but could not make a sound. Perplexed, he held out his hands in front of him and indeed he could see the crystal surface right through them. What IS that crystal thing?They-like the rest of his body-lacked a true form. He was almost doll-like in that he had no features. He was a shapeless, colorless transparent mass, like the mist that swam through his feet. You say he is shapeless, but he clearly has eyes and hands. I assume you are trying to convey he is non-corporeal?

The man began to walk forward. Isolated with nothing but his own thoughts, he began to question whether or not he was alive.This is all going very fast. He began to walk>alone>started to question existence, and this is just after he got up. Spice it up!

He later tried to think about the chain of events prior to waking up in this vicinity.Too wordy. He then came to a halt as he reached a startling revelation. He did not possess any memories, not of himself or of the life he lived. His mind was every bit as bare as the featureless body he currently occupied.Once again, going too fast. I understand this is a prologue, but there's no reason you have to speed through it.

"My child." A prodigious voice called out from above.

The voice was warm and inviting, yet firm. There was a parental, if supernatural texture in its tone but it was difficult to identify its exact gender. Was it a man or a woman? Perhaps it was both? These last two lines are not necessary. Perhaps they could stay if this was a first person narrative, but the narrator has no reason to state what is essentially the same point three times ina row. The man attempted to follow the direction of the voice. He did not know anything about it but he strangely felt as if he had heard it before. He knew he could trust it. You just said he knew nothing about it. Perhaps he "felt" he could trust it? I don't know how he is following the direction of the voice, either. I believe it was stated it came "from above."

"We have been separated for far too long," called the voice. "and as much as I wish to welcome you back to the kingdom, your journey is not yet completed. You were transformed into an image not of my own and forced to commit deeds that contradicted the path that I had set for you. So, I want to give you the opportunity to change it all. To reshape the world into what it was meant to be. What I intended it to be. All I have to say about this is that it seems very strange that this is the first place this conversation goes, even before introductions.

"Come forth, young one. Find the golden tree and reenter the world of the living."

The voice disappeared but the man continued to press forward. Minutes turned into hours and hours turned into what felt like days and yet the scenery remained the same. Speaking of which, tell us more about the scenery. I know it's dark and misty. That's about it. Smell? Sounds? General surroundings? Right now all I can picture is some kind of purgatory, which may be what you intended, but I don't know. The man wondered if he had gotten lost and should turn around, or if he should forgo his search altogether.

"Are you lost?" asked a masculine yet youthful voice behind him. Voices can be masculine and youthful. They are not inherently contradictory so there is no need for 'yet.'

He turned around and laid eyes upon a black humanlike figure. Cut this part out. Just say he laid eyes upon the voice. I like the following description, but you blow your load too early with humanlike figure. Like the young man himself, this gentleman too was featureless, but whereas the young man was white like the mist, this gentleman was like a shadow, blending in with the darkness that engulfed the area. He wore a red crown and held a blade enclosed in a scabbard in his right hand.

"If so, I think you and I should work together. This place is dangerous and to be frank, I don't think either one of us will stand a chance on our own. What is your name?"

But the young man could not answer him.

"…I see," the gentleman began. "Well in any case, it looks like you and I are heading in the same direction. Let's team up, if just a little while. What do you say?"

The young man was not in the position to neither accept nor reject his offer, and so the crowned gentleman invited himself on the man's expedition. This is all really weird. I don't know what else to say. I think someone without a voice is completely capable of giving the universal sign for no.

The twosome traveled for what felt like an eternity in silence, walking in the same direction. Well, I would assume they were not walking in different directions. The crowned gentleman tried several times to converse with the young man but once it became apparent that the young man could not speak, How did crownguy not pick up on the fact that protagonist was a mute? he began to tell stories instead. Each story had a central theme; i can't think of any stories that do not have a theme, but plenty with different themes. just say 'the same theme.' the oppressed raging war against whom they perceived to be their oppressors. The stories neither irritated nor intrigued the young man. In fact, he hardly paid any attention to the gentleman's ramblings, choosing to focus only on finding that tree.

"You know, you being here did not happen by accident." the gentleman started. "And I don't believe that us finding each other was an accident either. You're here because somewhere in your previous life, someone felt that you made a mistake and now they want you to correct that mistake. But don't you think it's unfair that you don't remember what that 'mistake' was?"

The young man stopped. The golden tree was within his grasp, sitting in its own private oasis. The tree glowed brightly and a bed of flowers circled around it. Okay, so it isn't purgatory. Where the hell are we? Each sparkle from the tree's light gave birth to a new flower once it touched the ground.

The young man approached the tree but his companion urged him to stop. The panic in his voice concerned the young man, so he did what he was told.

"Those branches are cursed. One touch and you might as well find yourself a nice pair of shackles. If you want to know who you are, who you really are, this is not the route to take."

The crowned gentleman walked to the young man and placed his hands over his triceps. Triceps are on the back/bottom of the arms, so it is very unnatural that someone would place their hands "over" your triceps.

"I know a place of true power. Why serve in someone else's kingdom when you should be the one ruling it? If this dude did not want to go to the tree and knew of a place of true power, as hey says, why was he walking towards the tree to begin with? Also, this guy said this place was very dangerous before. I don't think there's been any example of said dangers. Come with me. I can take you to the world of the living and we can transform it into a world of our liking."

The young man stood by the tree and contemplated over the gentleman's words. Indeed, he presented a stellar offer and his demeanor had been nothing but friendly. However, despite the young man's desire to travel with his companion still, he was far too frightened to go against the voice's instructions. He stood under the tree's branches and stared at the gentleman. He made his decision and the gentleman was forced to comply.

"Very well. I think you're making a huge mistake. I pray it won't be your undoing."

The crowned gentleman turned his back to the young man.

"Perhaps we'll meet again, should fate allow it."

He continued on his journey and soon he was gone. The young man reached for the branch above him and suddenly there was a blinding white light.

also i want to know what happens next. you have a very interesting concept here but this needs a lot of cleaning up

i guess, corfasius, that the main problem is not the fact that there is nothing constructive or helpful in this review. there is, but it is bogged down by a lot of unhelpful stuff. this review could stand to be a couple of orders of magnitude shorter and lose nothing of value. right now it reads like a bad let's play, and i think i know a little something about bad let's play since i am currently making one available to you at 7 pm est 8 central