THEJUDGE'S PROFILE

author=Liberty
The description comes off as really, really passive. You're basically telling us what the player will do instead of focussing on the story. Instead of expounding on it being a fangame of OFF and expecting the player to know what you mean by that, try talking about the character and the reason for their journey instead. That is, a summary of what will happen in the game.

It's the difference between saying: In this game you are made to play as this person in a world that is different to the last world of the game.
and
Jack is lost in a forest of no return after an unfortunate accident during his Honeymoon. With no knowledge of how he got there or how to leave, and his new wife missing, he must find a way to survive the harsh environs and make his way back to civilisation.

Then after that put a line or two about how you got permission from the creator to make a game based on his. It's a lot more interesting if you give the players something to look forward to instead of basically just saying "Look, this is a fangame of other game so you should play it if you liked other game". It doesn't give your game an identity outside of being a fangame, and really, you should aim to put forth your game as something different, even if it draws from the same world/characters/universe/etc of another game.

Home itself does separate itself from the world of OFF. I just don't know how to write a description without spoiling the characters and the world around it.
"HOME is a non canonical spinoff/fan game made that takes place in the universe of OFF, Green-lighted and created with Mortis Ghosts permission. The story stars off with our puppet, The Judge. Upon being woken up from his slumber, our friend is noted of his position as puppet and the player is given insurrections on how to control their new pet. After that happens, our previous hero ,the batter, makes his appearance into Zone 0 and our quest across the zones begins. Soon shortly, the Judge is given a warning notice. The lands are to crumble before his very eyes, and that he is either to sit around and let it happen, or take matters into his own paws. Not being the passive type, our puppet takes up the task to travel across the zones to hopefully prevent their destined destruction.

Within HOME. New characters and enemies are introduced, with a combat system that's more threatening and challenging than OFF's style. HOME makes uses of the elements and status effect system and stretches is as far as possible. It's recommended you play Mortis Ghosts "OFF" before you touch this project, as this game and its entirety is connected and continued after OFF. Playing HOME without first playing OFF will not only lead to spoilers but will lead you to a path of confusion and detachment from the entire world." Does this sound better? :D

can someone review my intro? I'm not the best at writing these type of things. I've used Tumblr as my sole base of operation and not used to the format of this site quite yet.


:edit:
"HOME is a non canonical spinoff/fan game made that takes place in the universe of OFF, Green-lighted and created with Mortis Ghosts permission. It takes place in a seemingly reset 'after the end' world, where the player is granted the Judge as their puppeteer. What seems like a simple task as leading the Judge through the zones soon turns into a drastically strange and altered world, with new locations and ideas explored. The story fans out slowly, being obscure and unclear from the start, as the player slowly grows custom to the new world and new characters they have been granted control of. New characters and enemies are introduced, with a combat system that's more threatening and challenging than OFF's style. HOME makes uses of the elements and status effect system and stretches is as far as possible. It's recommended you play Mortis Ghosts "OFF" before you touch this project, as this game and its entirety is connected and continued after OFF. Playing HOME without first playing OFF will not only lead to spoilers but will lead you to a path of confusion and detachment from the entire world.



The game features custom sprites, music, icons, sound effects, and battle animations. It uses as much fresh resources where and whenever possible.

The current Demo ends in Pure Zone 1.
Completed so far
Zone 1
Zone 2
Zone 3
Zone 4
Pure Zone 1"

Here is what I have now.

eThank you! Resetting the boat is what I needed and should allow me to continue.
Once I'll explore more into the waters I'll report what went wrong.

:edit:
Is that crystal all that needs to be pressed? There seems to be chests and areas I haven't explored. Do I come back to the cave at a later time? If so then I'm a dummy and I didn't know that. Anyways, I got the dragon claws so I guess that's all I needed.