LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

Posts

edchuy
You the practice of self-promotion
1624
OK, so I thought about it and think this might work:

Just add to the description: "for further use."

Sorry if I don't get where all of this is coming from. Obviously, wildwes does.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
I'm not sure of the reference either, but it sounds like these virtual party members would gain EXP? So when said members rejoin the party, whatever skills/abilities/whatever that the virtual member gained would be retained. I'm also assuming that this party emulation ability only works in the context of battle.

If any of this is true, maybe something like:

Emulates a friend's data for a battle. Data collected by this emulation is saved.

edchuy
You the practice of self-promotion
1624
Thanks, Marrend! At least I'm not the only one whose a bit befuddled by it ... I give up! (sighs)
numbuh1
Seriously, how long will I have to wait?
184
"The game description could use a solid proofreading"

Well, since I'm not very good at English, so...

I don't know what to say but thanks to anyone who can help me with.

Getting tired of seeing you sleeping in his class, your maths teacher decided to leave you alone in his class. But what he didn't expected that the janitor didn't know you were still sleeping alone in the class, so he locked the door and leave.

And now, when you wake up and find out about the locked door. You must find a way to escape the classroom in order to go home to.... sleep.

This is a five-day project that I've made in this January, but until I knew about this page, I decided to translate this game and post it here. Since it's a game made in 5 days, this games will take about 15-20 minutes of playing (and solving an incredible hard password).

With only puzzle, no battle, no adventure, just 2 maps in-game and a whole new experience with an Escape Room Game made by RPG Maker, I hope you'll have fun playing this game.

One more thing, I'm Vietnamese so English is not my first language. So please excuse for my limited knowledge of grammar in this game.

*No RTP needed*
Getting tired of seeing you sleeping in his class, your Math teacher decided to leave you alone in his class. But what he didn't expect is that the janitor didn't know you were still sleeping alone in the class, so he locked the door and left.

And now, you wake up to find that the door is locked. You must find a way to escape the classroom in order to go home to.... sleep.

This is a five-day project that I made in January. It gathered dust until I found out about this site, so I decided to translate the game and post it here. Since it's a game made in 5 days, this game will take about 15-20 minutes to finish (and solve an incredibly hard password).

With only one puzzle, no battles, no adventure, it's just 2 maps and a whole new experience with an Escape Room Game made with RPG Maker. I hope you'll have fun playing my game.

One more thing, I'm Vietnamese so English is not my first language. So please excuse for my limited knowledge of grammar in this game.

*No RTP needed*
numbuh1
Seriously, how long will I have to wait?
184
Thanks, I'm going to resubmit my game now :D
http://rpgmaker.net/games/5418/

The description for my game. I am absolutely aware it's terrible, and I wouldn't even play a game with that decription, but I can't pinpoint how to make it better.

Any tips?
edchuy
You the practice of self-promotion
1624
I'll take a look and let you know back here ... Here it goes (hope it helps; all changes are suggested and the meaning of what you wrote is kept or expanded upon slightly):

Klaus, Chester and Claude are all friends, enjoying themselves on Halloween. Suddenly a mummy appears out of nowhere, transforming Klaus and Chester into pumpkins, and, Clause into a balloon!

When they wake up they find themselves in a world full of spooks and monsters... a world where every day is Halloween. The only thing for them to do is to track down that mummy...

What sort of monsters will they meet along their journey? What sort of places will they go to? Will they ever get back home? And if they do, will they return as their normal selves...?

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
Is there anything else about the game that would intrigue players? Was it made for an event? Is there some kind of personal background attached to this project? Stuff like that.
author=edchuy
I'll take a look and let you know back here ... Here it goes (hope it helps; all changes are suggested and the meaning of what you wrote is kept or expanded upon slightly):

Klaus, Chester and Claude are all friends, enjoying themselves on Halloween. Suddenly a mummy appears out of nowhere, transforming Klaus and Chester into pumpkins, and, Clause into a balloon!

When they wake up they find themselves in a world full of spooks and monsters... a world where every day is Halloween. The only thing for them to do is to track down that mummy...

What sort of monsters will they meet along their journey? What sort of places will they go to? Will they ever get back home? And if they do, will they return as their normal selves...?



I'll see what I can do with that :) Thanks.
edchuy
You the practice of self-promotion
1624
You're welcome. As Marrend suggested while putting the plotline is useful, but you could add something to your game description to draw potential players' attention. Maybe something about gameplay or features.
Never tried this before but I'd appreciate some tips on this:
http://rpgmaker.net/games/5101/

Basically I find it dull and generic and need tips on what to do.
edchuy
You the practice of self-promotion
1624
Well, SnowOwl, it doesn't seem too bad ... What's not clear to me is how the dreamworld seems to have suddenly become important all of the sudden. Did something trigger that? And how is what happens in the dreamworld relevant to reality? If you could hint those without spoiling it, that would draw a bit more attention than what currently is written.
My profile has been denied by reason of proofread.
I desperatly need some help with my profile message...
is there anyone to help proofread the profile message?
I copied and brought the profile message.

Hello, I'm going to introduce some game from South Korea.
Maybe this is the first attempt to introduce a game from South korea to this community.
I just translated this game, so the game's creator is another person.
Now, let me describe this game, Leave.

Leave is the game that features short-time horror adventure format.
At the beginning, the game's protagonist wakes up to find herself being in her bedroom and she starts to wander in her house.
Not much information given to player, player must find scattered clues in the house.(if you want to know the game's story, what happened, or who she is.)
Nevertheless, you could feel relieved if you don't know what was going on even after finishing the game, for the game's main focus isn't the storyline but just the scary things.

the game's playtime is short(perhaps 15-20 minutes), so be better off not expecting much.

if you remember this game is short-time horror game, i guess this game is worth playing.
So, how about giving it a shot?

'Real' developer : Astral
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
I could be boiling it down way more than it probably should be, but here's what I'm seeing as relevant to your game discription:

Leave is a short (Maybe 15 to 20 minutes in length) adventure/horror game made by Astral that I'm translating. The game begins with the protagonist waking up in her bedroom, but it's up to the player to search her house for the backstory. However, as the focus of the game is the scares, don't expect a heavy backstory.


There's probably a better way of relaying that Astral, and the game, is South Korean by origin, but my mind is blanking out at the moment.
Here mine please help me fix it so I can use it in the Halloween event.
and also can you check if it matches the theme for the event also if you can.

Title: Town of illustive series
Description

A empty town that appeared on Halloween night. A groups of Student from Falica High School dared to enter the town and solve the mystery.

Further Description:
Mystery, ghost, Zombies you named it. The town is filled with stories, magic, that you cannot find in the outside world. But why the town is filled with them not the outside. A ton of mystery awaits you at the town of illustive.

Episode 1 - The house
Group three student of Falica High School had dared to enter a hunted house formally owned by a rich pervert named Steve but died and also a women name Mary who died few years ago and she hunted the whole house. Anyone who entered the house and was caught by Ghost Mary will become her.

Episode 1 Mystery: Find out the truth of a ghost story about anyone who entered the house on Halloween night will become her or went missing.

Episode 1 Character
Do you think that I will reveled the character to you, Go play the game!
Episode theme:
- Ghost Story
- halloween Comedy (possible? well depend on how you relate the story of the game.)
- Totally whacked out story that I don't even know why I thought of that story.
Self Rating: Teen (contain: Ghost, Horror)

Illusion horror story is copyright by Jomarcenter Studio.
edchuy
You the practice of self-promotion
1624
OK, jc here it goes:

It seems to me you're right on track with the Ghost Stories theme. You can also introduce some Halloween Comedy (was Falica on purpose? the timing of Episode 1 is right, but perhaps you could have students dressed in customes) and maybe even some Survival Horror (managing to investigate the house without getting caught by Mary's ghost, living to tell about it and the trauma of finding the truth).

Regarding your description here goes nothing (note that some of them are repeated in your description):


- Illustive
- An empty town that suddenlyappeared on Halloween night out of thin air/nowhere
- students
- solved its mysteries (more than 1 episode planned, right?)
- named
- But why the town is filled with them not the outside?
- A group three students had dared
- haunted
- formaerlly owned by a rich, now deceased pervert named Steve but died and also a woman named Mary whose death was under unknown circumstances.
- a few years ago and now she haunts the whole house.
Anyone who has entered the house and was caught by Ghost Mary willhas become her (does this literally happen to them or do they become possessed by her? more clarity is needed).
- Find out the truth of a ghost story about anyonethose who entered the house on Halloween night willand became her or went missing.
- Do you think that I will revealed the characters to you, go play the game and figure it out yourself!
hello guys, i got denied in my profile coz Description. and i need help i update my Description and put more Details. my game is demo so the story Incomplete.

and this my story
---
What if Goodness was Defeated?
and Evil Become Stronger!
What can you do ?

Dragon Quest - The Anti-Evil Cave, is A sub-part of the story of dai no daiboken, talking about Adventures of Avan, in Manga. When avan dead the Story begin here you must be stronger to help the world from evil.
---

is there any Advice for me ..

thanks.
edchuy
You the practice of self-promotion
1624
So, I see English's not you first language. Thus, I would suggest you get somebody whose a native speaker or who has actually studied in a school where that's the main language of instruction to help you check your spelling and grammar. Even doing a check using Word should help improve it a lot.

Here is my rewrite of your description:

author=tersnetwork
What if Goodness suddenly wasere Defeated?
and Evil Became StrongerOmnipresent and Omnipotent!
What canwould you do ?
.
Dragon Quest - The Anti-Evil Cave, is A sub-part of the story of [u]dDai nNo dDaiboken. I'm talking about Adventures of Avan, in Manga. When aAvan deaied the Story begins. here you must be stronger to helprid the world from evil.


The other thing that stands out is that while you do give a basic background of the plot, you don't mention what elements it will have. You need to sell your game. I suggest reading the other posts in this topic or check the Descriptions of the most downloaded RMN games to get ideas of what you might want to include. For example, is it an RPG or Adventure? What of battle system do you intend to use? ...

If you need more help, post an updated description.
yes is not my first language sorry -_- but i update the story you check it please.

author=tersnetwork
What if Goodness suddenly ere Defeated?
and Evil Became Omnipresent and Omnipotent!
What would you do ?
.
Dragon Quest - The Anti-Evil Cave, is RPG Game A sub-part of the story of Dai No Daiboken. I'm talking about Adventures of Avan, When he gone to the The Anti-Evil Cave for Training in Manga. the Story begins. you must be stronger to save the world from evil.
-----------------

my game is RPG but i talking about avan in manga.
Avan is The main character in story.



thanks.