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Hello everyone I am designing a game called Swat Frontier and this is the description of the game...
Crime and Atrocity has been committed; Rodrick Collins a private eye must solve it. He must be seeing things all of the police and military personal and all of the worlds Swat teams have been transformed into mindless zombies, its up to him to find and gather clues (and prevent them from becoming flesh eating mindless zombies). He will team up with others along the way. Then assemble proof to deliver to the authorities...

Ashley Bower a guy who is working to clear his name an innocent already accused. Ashley must work alongside Rodrick to help clear Hazesofts name or otherwise saddled with guilt or betrayal. Midway through the adventure, they soon find out their investigation to pursue the matter is often the result of political maneuvering by the antagonist. The climax is a courtroom scene or other arena of judgment. The scale is highly variable for this type of adventure, from a small-town Zombie Apocalypse to a planet-wide one.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
My suggestion would be...

What was once just a small-town Zombie apocalypse has turned into a world-wide catastrophe, and it's up to a private detective by the name of Rodrick Collins to save the world! He must gather clues and research personal files of the police and the military to figure out what went wrong, and how to prevent more outbreak. Once enough information has been assembled, he can deliver it to the authorities!

Ashley Bower is a lawyer whose client was falsely accused of a crime, and is working toward proving that client's innocence. As part of his investigation, he meets up with Rodrick, and they find themselves working together. They soon find themselves involved in a matter involving political maneuvering, climaxing in a courtroom scene!

...this. However, I would note that I could be wrong on a number of points!
author=Marrend
Off the top of my head, I would suggest...


This! and No, the one doesn't make the deadline is "Mom", which was published here right after 31th Oct, but Yes, this game is the main reason I can't make the deadline!

Many Thanks for your effort Marrend!
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
I'm happy to be of help, artgame!
hey guys ^^ i was try to submit my game that i make last year and got denied notice, "Description needs work when it comes to punctuation."
please help :')

here the description

Game description
The 13th Killer is a freeware puzzle-oriented horror game by Ghost Studio made in RPG Maker VXA.

Story
There is an urban legend in the small town Vastellien. where the city is infected by a strange disease, and to cure the disease they have to sacrifice 13 youths to eliminate the curse of the disease. a few years later, Eva Charlotte had to go to school in that city to meet his mother's last request before she died. And from here, Eva frightening adventure begins, reveals all the secrets in it and save his friends is the main task.
(Be aware that some elements of the game are somewhat violent.)

Troubleshooting/Common problem
Please make sure to extract the game to its own folder instead of running directly from the ZIP file. If you don't do so, any saves made will be lost the next time you run the game.
RTP needed.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
I would suggest something like...

The small town of Vastellien is cursed with a strange disease. As the urban legend goes, thirteen youths must be sacrificed to stave off the curse for a time.

It's been a few years since the last occurrence of the curse. Eva Charlotte moved to Vastellien as part of his dying mother's request. In the school that he goes to is where Eva's adventure begins, revealing secrets, and saving his friends!


The 13th Killer is a freeware puzzle-oriented horror game by Ghost Studio with RPG Maker VX Ace. Please make sure to extract the files into it's own folders, instead of trying to run directly from the ZIP. Also be aware that the game requires the standard run-time package resources, found here.

...this.
author=Marrend
I would suggest something like...

The small town of Vastellien is cursed with a strange disease. As the urban legend goes, thirteen youths must be sacrificed to stave off the curse for a time.

It's been a few years since the last occurrence of the curse. Eva Charlotte moved to Vastellien as part of his dying mother's request. In the school that he goes to is where Eva's adventure begins, revealing secrets, and saving his friends!


The 13th Killer is a freeware puzzle-oriented horror game by Ghost Studio with RPG Maker VX Ace. Please make sure to extract the files into it's own folders, instead of trying to run directly from the ZIP. Also be aware that the game requires the standard run-time package resources, found here.


...this.
but can i still use bold tittle for the game descpt, story etc ryt?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
It's an option to use bold text to divide sections of description. If you go that route, it might look something more like...

Story
The small town of Vastellien is cursed with a strange disease. As the urban legend goes, thirteen youths must be sacrificed to stave off the curse for a time.

It's been a few years since the last occurrence of the curse. Eva Charlotte moved to Vastellien as part of his dying mother's request. In the school that he goes to is where Eva's adventure begins, revealing secrets, and saving his friends!

About the Game
The 13th Killer is a freeware puzzle-oriented horror game by Ghost Studio with RPG Maker VX Ace. Please make sure to extract the files into it's own folders, instead of trying to run directly from the ZIP. Also be aware that the game requires the standard run-time package resources, found here.


...this.
I'll just drop this (for current WIP, The cleaner) in advance, cause I know my grammar skills :p

author=shortdes
An unusual mix of shooter and platforming in cut to the chase action


author=description
There are times when regular agents, chained by protocols and paperwork, don't suffice to get the job done, sometimes you need someone who can work out of the rules. For these, you need a Cleaner.

About the game:
An unusual mix of shooter and platforming delivered in "cut to the chase" gameplay, gather your gear and dive into the action.
Features:
- 3 playable characters/difficult settings
- 3 levels
- Unlock weapons and customize your loadout.
- Go standard with infinite lives, or challenge yourself with the arcade mode.


Now that I've typed it, there's a lil less that I'd like in there, well, bosses are hard to code. .-.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
@Kevincalanor: My suggestion would be something like...

There are times when regular agents aren't sufficient for a job. They are either chained by protocol, paperwork, or other bureaucratic barrier. For such times, there are the Cleaners: a group of men and women not bound by the rules, or can work around them to a client's benefit.


About the game:
The game is geared to getting players straight into the action as fast as possible, and is an unusual mix of shooter and platforming elements. Features include...

- 3 playable characters with three different difficulty settings
- 3 levels
- Unlock weapons to customize your loadout


...this. Though, the blat about "Standard Mode" versus "Arcade Mode" kinda sounds like it could be part of the difficulty settings, buuuuuuut I could be wrong!

Thanks for the input ^^

author=Marrend
...this. Though, the blat about "Standard Mode" versus "Arcade Mode" kinda sounds like it could be part of the difficulty settings, buuuuuuut I could be wrong!


Not sure, because you can run the arcade mode as any of the three chars/difficulties, although there's not much beyond the limited lives to make that different from standard mode.
Need a professional to do a grammatical check on this. Thanks for the co-operation!

___________________________________Description_____________________________________

What would you do if you were in a world with a war being waged between men and demons?

Would you hide somewhere and wait for your demise?

Or take a gulp of courage and rescue innocent lives while risking your own?

Or would you join the military and fight in the front lines?

You're a Berserker. The last of a forgotten clan...

Wielding great strength like the gods of old, it's up to you to bring peace to a world wrought by war and bloodshed. Along the way trying to remember your past and those of your ancestors, your heritage.
You'll be faced with many grave risks and perils, but you will not face them alone.

Walk a mile in the shoes of man who seeks to regain his honor and valor in a world void of both.


A slice of the plot and inspiration from the famous RPG "Disgaea 2" has been taken into the making of this game.

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
@tawman: Off the top of my head, I would suggest something more like...

What would you do if you were in the midst of a war between Man and Demon? Would you hide in terror, merely waiting for your demise, would you save what lives you could while risking your own, or would go go forth to the front lines and fight?

You are a Berserker, the last of a forgotten clan. Wielding god-like strength, it's up to you to bring peace to a war-torn world, as your ancestors did before you.

Personal aside:
This game is somewhat inspired by the story/plot of Disgaea 2.


...that. I kinda feel a bit more can be said about how the game was inspired by Disgaea 2, but, it's up to you.
author=Marrend
@tawman: Off the top of my head, I would suggest something more like...

What would you do if you were in the midst of a war between Man and Demon? Would you hide in terror, merely waiting for your demise, would you save what lives you could while risking your own, or would go go forth to the front lines and fight?

You are a Berserker, the last of a forgotten clan. Wielding god-like strength, it's up to you to bring peace to a war-torn world, as your ancestors did before you.

Personal aside:
This game is somewhat inspired by the story/plot of Disgaea 2.


...that. I kinda feel a bit more can be said about how the game was inspired by Disgaea 2, but, it's up to you.
I'll take up on that advice :)
author=Your submission, Psychotronik, was denied. Reason was: "Description needs work. Paste it in the thread linked below and the people there will help you fix it up a bit: https://rpgmaker.net/forums/topics/13072/".

Hi everyone I am artist of a game called psychotronik. This is one of my last posts, so I'm going to take the opportunity to talk some more about the setting of this the description:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Psychotronik
Alien’s gene got handed in the hands of Earthlings. Modified in special terms, it was embedded into a specially grew projects, implying in them an absolute obedience.
Though, was it really so..?

Through the power failure, projects are getting out out of incubators. You are impersonating one of them - of the one which demonstrated high properties PSY. Getting out of the laboratory is becoming the first main purpose. Through the entire game a man which employed everything will be chasing us. He will do everything in order to liquidate you.

The game features:
- The gameplay consists of solving simple logic puzzles and survival.
- Introduction to the game and learning control (Training mode).
- Action challenging a strategic move.
- The gameplay based on the statistics character. (Strength, stamina, intellect)
- Hand crafted custom paint pixel art graphic.
- Contractual plot and characters.
- Dynamic Industrial Music.
- Custom Menu.
- Custom Item System.
- Custom ABS (inspired by God of War :P)
- Simple Puzzles. (Computer, Closed door, moving boxes, buttons, levers, etc.).
- Traps!
- Bosses.
- Abattoir Gameplay (Blood!).
- Options (music volume, sound volume, avatar, cloud txt, language, map's).
- 3 difficulties level.
- short scenes and dialogues.
- 40 + map's without unnecessary elements.
- Half open world - You can go back to map001.
- Futuristic City (Progress game to open buildings).
- Animated elements of the interface (computer cabinets).
- Interface Avatar & Character Creator.
- Dark Humor.
- Anime Design.

BGM:
-Andromeda-Trip To Space
-Miza Arc North - Dark Space
-Der Seargant - Elektrotrieb
-Anthracitic Moths – Shagom Marsh (Sleetgrout Mix)
-Brutal Industrial Drum and Bass 2013 - Machina Cult - (FL Studio 10)
-Mark Leanings vs. Space Rockerz & Tania Zygar - Whatever Happens In Puzzle Piece (John O'Callaghan Mashup)
-Wynardtage - Solitude
-PSYCLON NINE parasitic
BGS:
(RMXP, RM2k, http://www.freesfx.co.uk/, anonymous authors)

Credits:
Genre: Slasher RPG
Language: eng/pl
Engine: Rpg Maker XP
Graphic: Xpero
Plot/dialogues: Xpero
Mapping: Xpero
System: Xpero
Scrypts: (Zeriab Anti Event Lag System Version 1.2b)
Translated: (5pm)
Helps: (X-Tech)
End Game Animation: (Akira, Dragon Ball Z)
End Game Photo: (Nasa, google)
Inspiration: Terminator I & II, Akira, Pokemon Red & Crystal, God of War I & II, Monster, GTA V, Груз 200, Full Metal Alchemist, Kill bill.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
Welcome to RMN, Mewtwo! Share your creativity with us!


Anyway, on to the business at hand. Personally speaking, I think the "Credits", "BGM", and "BGS" sections can go into a text file. Aside from that, my suggestion would be to write something like...

The genes of an alien was obtained by Humans. Modified in certain terms, it was embedded into especially-grown animals. With the various test made, the observation was made that they would strictly adhere to orders that they were given.

However, an unfortunate power failure cause the test subjects to let loose from their incubators. You are one such creature: one which has demonstrated high psychic properties.

Of course, you will want to escape, but, one might expect that the going will not be easy. The people in charge of the lab see you, and your kin, as valuable test subjects, but also cannot simply let you go. However, if push comes to shove, they will kill you, despite your worth.

Features
- Simple logic puzzles and survival
- Training mode
- Stat-based gameplay
- Hand-crafted pixel art graphics
- Contractual plot and characters
- Dynamic Industrial music
- Custom menu
- Custom item system
- Action battle system inspired by God of War
- Traps
- Bosses
- 3 difficulties level
- Short scenes and dialogues
- Over 40 maps without unnecessary elements
- Half-open world
- Animated elements of the interface (computer cabinets)
- Character creator
- Dark humor
- Anime design


...this. Though, I must confess, I have no idea what you meant by "action challenging a strategic move" (this just plain makes no sense), or "contractual plot and characters" ("contractual" is a form of the word "contract", and thus relays a formal agreement).
Can anyone help. My game got denied, reason was "Description needs fixing when it comes to grammar/spelling"

Synopsis

Elemental Fragment tell the story of the world in the era of "Hero and Demon Lord". Every 1000 year, Demon Lord will awake from slumber to cause trouble on human. No one know his true purpose. But every 1000 year at the same time, there will be a boy born with courage and strong mind to protect humanity. That boy will be named "Hero". He is the only person who can deal with Demon Lord.

But to be the true Hero, the boy need to be tested by representatives of the world. Known as Summon or Spiritual Element, who represented 6 element, protecting world's balance. Hero need to be recognized by all Spiritual Element. He start by making contract will 4 basic-level Spiritual Element which is Heat Eddy Gaia and Aero. Before travel through the Rainbow Path to where Goddess and Angel lived. To make another contract with high-level Spiritual Element which is Shine and Night. When Hero make contract with all Spiritual Element, they will recognized him as a true Hero and give him the power of the world.

Hero then travel to Demon Lord castle, and defeat Demon Lord with his newfound power. According to the history, There never be a Hero losing to Demon Lord. No matter how tricky or deception the Demon Lord is.

Story

The story takes place in time of world peace. In the place of Heat Spirit, there is a group of bandits smuggle into stealing its treasure. Heat Spirit aware of this and try to drive them away. But a bandits use a mystery magic to absorb its spiritual power. Heat Spirit, now in human form lie down in confusion to what happened. That power is like its identity to protect world balance. How is this happening? What is the bandits true purpose? A reclaim adventure in style of Summon in the world of "Hero and Demon Lord", without a Hero has started.

Character

Flame
A Spiritual Element who represented Heat element of the world. Upbeat and kind-hearted personality. Have high respected over "Hero".
Waty
A Spiritual Element who represented Eddy element of the world. Gentle and understanding personality. Have closed relationship with Flame and will support everything she do.
Thief
He came to steal Heat Spirit's treasure. He have mystery magic which can drain up target's Spiritual Power.

Features

Release Transform Character can transform in to their spiritual form when they have enough spiritual power. When they transformed, their parameter will be risen, their aliments will be cured and they will be able to use magic.
Healing Shield Character can use Shield Command to regain their lose HP.
Auto Attack Player can issue a fast commanding by select an auto-attack. There is 2 type of auto-attack, Repeat and Shield.
Targeted Chance Target Chance is percent of being hit when fighting an enemy. Adjust Target Chance allow "Tanking" to happen. If you have character with advantage element over an enemy in that dungeon. Allow that character to Tank will make it easier to play.
Raira Permanent Join Raira, Spiritual of Shine will now permanently join party in this game version. She also gain new move which make her deal damage more than other.
author=acet
Can anyone help. My game got denied, reason was "Description needs fixing when it comes to grammar/spelling"

Synopsis

Elemental Fragment tells the story of a world in the era of "Heroes and Demon Lords". Every 1000 years, a Demon Lord will awaken from their slumber to bring disaster to humankind. No one knows his true purpose. But every 1000 years at the same time, there will be a boy born with the courage and strong mind to protect humanity. That boy will be named a "Hero". He is the only person who can slay the Demon Lord.

But to become the true Hero, the boy needs to be tested by the representatives of his world. They are known as Summons or Spiritual Elements and represent the 6 elements, protecting the world's balance. A Hero needs to be recognized by all Spiritual Elements. He does so by first making a contract with each of the 4 basic-level Spiritual Elements, namely Heat, Eddy, Gaia and Aero. Before travelling on the Rainbow Path to where the Goddess and Angels lived. To make another contract with the two high-level Spiritual Elements, Shine and Night. Once a Hero forms contracts with all Spiritual Elements, he will be recognized as a true Hero and be given the power of the world.

Hero must then travel to the Demon Lord's castle, and defeat the Demon Lord with his newfound powers. According to history, There never has been a Hero losing to the Demon Lord. No matter how tricky or deceptive the Demon Lord was.

Story

The story takes place in a time of world peace. In the Heat Spirit's home, there is a group of bandits trying to steal its treasure. The Heat Spirit is aware of this and tries to drive them away. But one bandit uses mysterious magic to absorb its spiritual power. The Heat Spirit, now in human form, falls down in confusion. That power is its identity to protect the world balance. How is this happening? What is the bandits' true purpose? An adventure to reclaim it all, in the style of Summons in the world of "Heroes and Demon Lords", without a Hero has started.

Character

Flame
A Spiritual Element who represented the Heat element in the world. Has an upbeat and kind-hearted personality. Has high respect for the "Hero".
Waty
A Spiritual Element who represented the Eddy element of the world. Has a gentle and understanding personality. Has a close relationship with Flame and will support everything they do.
Thief
He came to steal the Heat Spirit's treasure. He is capable of mysterious magic which can drain the target's Spiritual Power.

Features

Release Transform Characters can transform into their spiritual form when they have enough spiritual power. Once transformed, their parameters will rise, their ailments will be cured and they will be able to use magic.
Healing Shield Character can use the Shield Command to regain their lost HP.
Auto Attack Player can issue a fast command by select an auto-attack. There are 2 types of auto-attack, Repeat and Shield.
Targeted Chance Target Chance is the percentage of being hit when fighting an enemy. Adjust Target Chance allows "Tanking" to happen. If you have a character with element advantages over an enemy in that dungeon, allowing that character to tank will make it easier to play.
Raira Permanently Joins Raira, Spiritual of Shine will now permanently join the party in this game version. She also gains new moves which make her deal more damage than ever before.

There!
There are a lot of small grammatical errors (like singular third person's s using verbs, not using plural forms, missing arrticles), it sounds like a very chinese translation, strangely.
Some of the elements are a little odd, Eddy seems to be water? And Shine light?
It is a very thorough description, however. I fixed up what I could find, I may have missed out on one or two little things. I edited a few out just now. It should be good to go though.
Good luck~