RMN ISLAND: YOU CAN STILL JOIN, MMKAY

Braining is indeed hard, Trihan.

Also, welcome, Seiromem!

I follow June obediently, biding my time and watching for an opening. I ask her what her plans are, and offer my help on whatever they are. Specifically, I'm interested in why she was blowing up the science lab (or if she wasn't, then does she know who was and why?).

It does usually take a while, yes. However, we're currently waiting for Trihan.

Round 12
It's been a while, huh? Some cool stuff happens.
Dic
(3)

Magically, you are born out of the sap of a tree. You are not even slightly different from the normal human and you were born completely matured - you've got skin and blood and no clothes... Oh wait, you may need clothes if you don't want to scare people away from you! Since you were born at the top of the tree and the it is so very large, you'll have to find clothes in the treetop. Before long, you notice that there are tree gobblers living here! They're very friendly, and welcome you into their home. Before long, they give you a leaf to cover the most important of organs. You feel really manly with it on, though it's kind of itchy... The tree gobblers are a little repulsive though since they speak garbled English and have turkey like necks on their very short and round brown bodies. They also like the smell of human feet, so be careful lest have your feet sniffed! The village contains 5 houses that appear to be made of varying varieties of turnips. Oddly enough, they all retain their roots which also happen to bind them to the large branches that act like walkways. Before long, you get sick of tree life and consult your lone friend on the possibility of leaving this place. He is a tree gobbler named Zanetti Parmigiano Reggiano - Zane for short.
"Wells, eye wus tinkin the same arse yo. We Gobblers canned climb quite wells, not sure hows yo gonad leave. If eye wus stonier..."
Basically, he doesn't know, though if he was stronger he may be able to take you with him. Spinach, strength potion...which would be the best way to put some muscles on those gobbler bones? And the gobblers aren't big on people leaving the village, so you may want to make sure you're properly equipped.

::Items::
Zane the Tree Gobbler (+1 Climbing, +1 Luck, -1 Combat)
Manly Adam Style Leaf (+1 Persuasion, -1 Recruiting)

::Status::
-Top of Tree Village in Rad Flats-
Sap-born!
Comprehending Zane is taking some effort...
Naturally technically inclined. (+1 Competence)

LockeZ
(4)

With your puppy dog eyes, you guilt June into telling you about her motives.
"Ugh, what do you want?"
"Why are you doing all this? Why bomb the science lab? What's with the reactor? What was the point of raiding Nightowl's plane? Tell me SOMETHING!"
June holds a button on her cuffs and yanks down. Instead of just adjusting to the difference in distance, the cuffs bring you crashing into the ground.
"Oooh, you're so annoying!" June looks to be thinking as she leads you down the stairs. At the bottom she turns to you and begins talking to you.
"I-I'm sick of it..." June face is scrunched up as if she'll cry. You brace yourself, expecting to be sent crashing into the floor again, though June continues talking instead.
"This island is making me sick. It shouldn't be doing that, it should be preserving me."
You give her a confused look, which she doesn't seem to like because she hurries forward through the decrepit lunch area on the right. It smells awful in here - though June doesn't seem to notice it.
"Why were you bombing the science lab?" you inquire to her.
"...You wouldn't understand." June keeps walking, and ignores you.
Looking on your cuff, you realize that June probably didn't plan this too well since the same button she's been using to slam you is on your cuff. Quickly, you press the button and pull down... but find that you don't have the strength to pull her down.
"...Do you really want to know that bad?" June turns to you and you nod in response. "This place is this the core of the island's existence - but not just the island, the world's existence. I destroyed the computers in that room so no new data could be created."
This perplexes you but you ask:
"Are you saying that what we're experiencing is a computer program?!"
"Yeah..."
Yup, she's whacked.
"Um, I can feel things though and so can you!"
"That may be true for you because you just got here. I've been in this stupid program for years... The point of this place is to preserve the people put in here, but the corrupt programmers wipe our memories upon entering and it's flawed - I'm rotting."
"But earlier when I kicked the door you yelped in pain."
"I was pretending - I don't have much besides that anymore... Well, I guess I do have my sense of taste, that combined with the ability to think is all there is to remind me I'm alive sense-wise."
"Wait, are you blind?"
June grins.
"Yes, but I can hear. Good thing I began this program with sonar hearing, huh?"
This is all a little much to take in, but you're pretty convinced June is insane.
The two of you remain in the mess hall speaking.
"I needed Nightowl's radio. Apparently, real Nightowl was smart enough to keep a device that interrupts the program in it. But, only momentarily. In that time, I plan to make a nuclear device to eviscerate the island - they'll be forced to reboot the program and let us out."
"But, how did you know Nightowl had that?"
"I remember some things about life before this now that I'm rotting - Nightowl had shown me that before we were put in the program. I don't quite remember why he took so long to enter the program."
Yeah, she's nuts. I suppose it's up to you whether you believe her or not though. You remain in the mess hall.


::Status::
-Within the Abandoned Scientific Center's Mess Hall in the Regicidal State of Ass-Spooning-
Injured Ear! (-1 Competition; Needs medical attention to be fixed)
Luckily, you got no new contusions from being slammed into the ground.
A cowboy sausage god. Has an unshaven face and seemingly stern looking face.
With all this gum around, you probably taste minty fresh.

::Items::
Pact: Nightowl (+1 Recruiting when in same section or when location is unknown)
Companion: June the Pink-haired Batshit Crazy Gum Chewing Nose Ring Piercing Master~<3 (+2 Persuasion, +2 Stealth, +1 Luck)
June's Dual-Wield Guns (+2 combat to June)
1x Cowboy Duds
5x Minty Green Gum (Guarantees a good outcome if you chew this while doing something)
1x Rainbow Rock (+1 Luck)
Mysterious Whistle (This could do...anything. Perhaps it's a lifeline if you die?)

Nightowl
Garbabarps (6) Mudhound (2) Mob (3) (5) (3) Wabblegarps (6)

After a riveting monologue, the manager doesn't seem convinced. Regardless, she goes to clean up the mess. Garbabarps is a little too good at window watching as he spots a wave of Sandler bots over the horizon - it'll take them 2 rounds to get here! You scratch Mudhound under the chin and in a condescending voice bellow: "WHOSAGOOBOI~?". Mudhound can barely contain himself and nearly knocks you down with his muddy tail. You order him to watch the manager lady, though he's so smitten from the love he got earlier he's rolling around the floor on his back. It's no difficult task for the dastardly woman to flee the building into the rainy night. You waste no time with her however as you mourn the fallen soldiers, the rainy burial is almost poetic. Jennifer takes a nap shortly after the service, and feels great afterwards. She decides to chill at a table while you, the Patty Cake Twins, and Wabblegarps investigate the facility.

Collectively searching the Sandler bots you find quite a few items and a ton of money! Unfortunately, though Wabblegarps found a majority of it, he dropped a sizeable amount of the money and items into a lit grill, how that happened is a mystery that you'll never solve. You walk into the back room where the War Spittoon had its food cooked/fried/baked among various other ways of preparing food. They have a grill and a stove along with 3 deep friers. There's a deep freezer and a normal fridge as well. The fridge contains copious amounts of unknown meat, though you're not sure if it's fresh or not.

::Status::
-Within the War Spittoon by The Divide, Regicidal State of Ass-Spooning-
Shown up by a gum-chewing girl forever more~<3
A spunky go-getter who can't operate pants!
All muddy...
The manager is on the run!
Incoming Sandler bot horde~ (Round 13)

::Items::
-$85-
Pact: LockeZ (+1 Stealth when in same section or when location is unknown)
Companion: Jennifer Aniston (+2 Recruiting)
Companion: Mudhound; the Bane of Clean Floors (+1 Movement, +1 Combat)
Companion: MARMITE WABBLEGARPS, THE BANE OF CANS and Can-opener Sponge Warrior (+1 Gathering)
Companion: SERGEANT BRAMBLE GARBABARPS the Missile Launcher Sponge Gladiator (+1 Combat)
Companions: Musclebound Patty Cake Twins (+1 Combat, -1 Movement)
Bidet Pipe (+1 Combat Roll)
Gravity Boots (Allow for very high jumping +1 Movement)
Mystery Meat (...)
Flame Gloves (Allows you to cast fire magic and summon tacos in battle! +1 Luck)

Wildwes
(3)

You manage to read the board just fine, though it has nothing of note on it.
"Ugh, don't these tiny little desert places have people dedicated to just board news? You'd think they'd have something about the Manus attack on here. To top it off it's all SO boring..."
Around the time you realize that there's nothing of use on the board, a large explosion of light comes from the castle! A large chunk of the castle roof is blown away, but instead of falling down the chasm the castle is built upon the pieces float as if in space. The frightening light causes some villagers to leave their tents and stare in awe. The warriors of this village and the brave among them decide to set out and investigate the castle.
"Hey, you!" A short, yet muscular man stands before you trying to get your attention.
"Make yourself useful!" He throws you some barbed wire and prompts you to tie it around your sword. You obey and he gestures for you to follow him and he runs towards the castle. A group of people trail behind him, one of which is a woman with darker skin... She's wearing mostly black and she looks like she's trying to conceal her face with her giant scarlet scarf as she follows the man. She's equipped with a wrecking ball of all things!
"You think that's our girl, huh? I doubt the villagers would be happy if we tried to capture her while she was helping them. This might be hard, Wes. " Yodeel speaks your mind.

::Status::
-Lesser Relish City in Cleveland-
Being hunted by your shadow...
Unable to talk.

::Items::
-$10-
Barbed Sword (+1 Combat, +1 Competence)
Generic Bow x5 Arrows (+1 Combat when used)
Adventurer's Clothes (+1 Competition)
Companion: Rock Suit Norman (+1 Combat/Defending Rolls, -1 Movement Rolls)
Companion: Yodeel the PIMP ( +1 Persuasion, +1 Competition, -1 Recruiting)
Companion: Hump-Mat the Flying Shag Carpet (Allows for free movement between sections of the island, +1 Movement)

Solarlune
(4)

Deciding a more cautious approach would be best, you return to another house in the treetops. You knock on the wooden frame and listen intently. Before long, a creepy elderly woman opens the door just a crack. She croaks: "Go away!" She begins to close the door but then your witch companion stops her by lodging her broom between the door and the frame.
Suddenly, the atmosphere feels very competitive, though not dangerous.
"Is that a rat I smell? Oh the stench is hell." The witch suddenly drops the pleasant tone she had been using. These two must have some history.
"Ahhh, I see. Or rather I don't. Is that an elephant on my doorstep?" The creepy witch retorts.
"Oh, an elephant you say? How'd you like to be one for a day?"
You suddenly feel very uncomfortable. "Uh, can we go?"
"No, my dear solarlune. She's going to invite us in soon." Her pleasant voice is back.
"Yes...invite you in my house..." the disgruntled mass behind the door lets you in.
Before you can object or ask to be taken elsewhere, you're herded into the house.

You are led into a cramped living room where you sit down in a comfy chair. There's a large fireplace that takes up an entire wall with shelves above it. There are two other red chairs allowing the three total to be in a triangle formation. This witch also has a vanity similar to your witch's. In fact, there's also a mirror in the wall here. It feels like the reflection is weak though.
Not long after a heated discussion on the perfect pitch of bottled pig squeal, the creepy witch excuse herself to the bathroom - she passes her ingredient cabinet on the way out. The witch turns to you says:
"Hurry now, raid her house. Don't worry about her wrath she's a useless louse. I'll snap us out of here, there's no need to fear!"

::Status::
-Skynyrd Swamp Creepy Witch's House in Meadow of Morons-
Your knuckles are feelin' good!
Not a drop of mud is left on you!
Raiding time?

::Items::
Companion: The Witch, no need to know her name! (Can cast magic, +1 Luck)
Witch's Broom (Allows you to travel sections of the island freely!)
Plumber's Clothes (+1 Competence)
Bone Sword (+1 Combat Roll, +1 Persuasion)
Spiritual Chocolate Floor Chunk (+1 Defending)
Cookies~<3 x4 (Good if you need energy)

Dudes
(5)

You momentarily distract the monstrosity wielding Jeffrey. You turn to Maria and gaze deeply into her eyes - you search for any sign of ill will she could harbor toward you but then push that out of your mind.
"Whatever the cost, let me save him!" you plea.
"Teeheehee~!" she laughs maniacally, though you feel as if no veil of innocence has been lifted. In little to no time you feel flesh begin separating itself from you and you watch as the very essence of yourself repairs your companion. Then you feel...power.
Power that is beyond the kind you sought to save the ones you loved...or the one that you love. It may or may not be a holy power, but its purpose in this moment is righteous. The beast drops Jeffrey and you garner the will to reunite with him. He looks stunned, but even more healthy than he even looked after contact with the Fountain of Youth in the now ash garden.
The beast is weakened - it had been a higher power. You could feel the greater aura it emanated when you entered but no more. The you of this moment is greater. Without examining the room you realize you're in a ballroom of sorts, the drapes are pure white, though the room is small and meant for slow dancing. There are tinted windows along the walls that are also the visible outer walls of the castle. The beast cowers and rightfully so. You ready Jeffrey - your bond deeper than ever.

"When this beast falls, you will be told of the price. But until then, you will silently suffer..."

::Status:
-On the other side of Deep Deep Chasm in Cleveland. Whose Ice Castle is it Anyway?!-
On a roll!
Your partner, Jeffrey, has been saved!
Can the girl be trusted?
Super charged!

::Items::
Companion: Jeffrey, the Speaking Hybrid Blade (+1 Combat, +1 Competence, +1 Climbing, Allows you to use Maria's power)
Companion?: Maria, the girl. (She wants to help you if you help her...right?) {Missing}
Attractive Aviator Suit (+1 Persuasion Roll)
Gentleman's Top hat (+1 Recruiting)
Pretty Chill Staff (Allows you to use ice and cold water magic, Also good for ice statues coincidentally.)
Steroid Staff (Allows you to use the magic of flames and smoke through channeling your masculinity)
Ever Blue Claw (+1 Combat, +1 Climbing)
x1 Very Large Sandy Mat
x1 Sword Sharpener (One use, adds +1 Combat to swords)

Crap, sorry guys. I keep holding you up. Truth be told I'm way too busy at the moment to keep doing this, so in all honesty I would recommend either modkilling me or letting someone else control the character. I've got work coming out of my ears so my presence for the next four or so weeks is going to be sporadic at best.

I was laughing hysterically at the first part xD
Where the hell do you get this stuff?
Anyways, let's see here.....
Welp, it's a giant tree of life or something, so the sap must have something to do with strength!

I ask around for an alchemy station or something similar, and attempt to make a strength potion out of the tree sap and a piece of some turnip houses(preferably Zane's since he probably won't mind)

I don't use it yet, I instead attempt to make a tunic out of leaves and turnip house pieces(preferably Zane's since he probably won't mind)

Let's hope my technically inclined-ness applies to clothes =P

Hmm. I think I will believe her. If Nightowl had a program that rebooted the island, then he's presumably either its creator or a hacktivist trying to take it town. Or at least he was. He's stuck here with the rest of us now.

I decide to be June for a while.

Well, I have a suspicion that Juan Carlos or whatever his name is will try to betray me eventually, but whatever; he'll be useful in the meantime. Or, at least, he won't be any more useful if I kill him, so I might as well leave him alive. Unfortunately, I don't know much about how to create a nuclear bomb, other than that it involves uranium. So, I'll need a scientist who can build a bomb, and I'll need some uranium.

Since we're closer to the southern border than the eastern one, and Chaos knows there's nothing of the sort in the regicidal state of ass-spooning, the closest civilization is probably one of the cities in Cleveland. Juan and I get on my hot pink dirtbike and start driving south, despite his loud and repeated objections to letting a blind person drive. Screw him; I can drive just fine. I can TASTE the road.