LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!

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@Colt: Just the story and general description will do. The rest can be put later in sub-pages when your game is accepted.

The game description is pretty much as it is: You give a brief summary of what your game is as well as highlights of your game: things that make your game stand out. Your original description is way too detailed for a simple game description.

You can check the description of the game that I translated (Nocturne: Rebirth) as an example.
Insensate chaos based internet_game. For Internet_people, upon internet_worlds.
Suffer through Saturn's deep rings. Seek out your actinide revenge for what they have done to you.

Where, where have they trapped you?
Why, why are they watching you?
What, what have they done to you?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@fearful: With how I've seen you post, I'm not sure if you're being serious, and that post is a game description that needs a lot of help, or if you're trying to mess with my head which isn't too hard to begin with.
Thank you Marrend and Eplipswich, for the tips and advice. I've taken Marrend's altered format, reworded some lines and resubmitted. Fingers crossed.

@eplipswich, I can see where you getting from. The game description's for your games are short, to the point and very neet. A very good way to go.
author=fearful
Insensate chaos based internet_game. For Internet_people, upon internet_worlds.
Suffer through Saturn's deep rings. Seek out your actinide revenge for what they have done to you.

Where, where have they trapped you?
Why, why are they watching you?
What, what have they done to you?

Fearful, please don't post here unless you're actually looking either for help or to help - and in the case of giving help, please be normal and clear in your help.

If you're looking to get help, then remember to read the rules and try to give the player an idea of what they're going to be experiencing in the game.


author=Colt
I didn't know about there would be a separate location to put the trailer/video footage, i'll keep that in mind.

Aside from some small format and grammar tweaks, the description hasn't been altered much. Was that what they ment with clarity? An improve format to make it easier to read?
I was under the impression that they found some parts lacking in information. Taking your reformatted layout and adding some in-depth details about the gameplay, would be sufficient to consider resubmitting?

Also, is a features list considered bad form in for some reason? Because I would like to keep it in the general description, as it does tell the potential player about things that can be done/will be possible in the game.

Yeah, it did seem a bit of a jumbled mess, though there are still a few minor things that could be fixed to make it a bit easier to read.


The world has becoming an increasingly dangerous place, and the number of criminals, terrorists and general evil-doers is at an all-time high. To counter this, decorated S.W.A.T. officer J.J. Colt and his long-time friend Nathan "Rocket" Nace, found the World Army.
It is an army with no political or national allegiance. It's only goal is making the world a better place by fighting evildoers on a global scale. Colt and Rocket are quickly joined by Samantha "Phoenix" Byington, a renown competitive martial artist, and Marco "Blue Fox" Tundo, a highly trained ninja with a mysterious past. Several dozen recruits from all over the world also sign up. Some have experience. Some are formerly retired soldiers, or mercenaries. Others are regular people with no combat experience. All of them in need of training, or a refresher course, before they are ready for action. - is there a way to rework this to make it less choppy?


It's fine, otherwise. >.<)b


author=Hazelsoft
okay guys I was told to post my game description in here and have some help with it


I reworked your current version so that the errors in it are addressed:


With The disappearance of their parents it has taken a toll on both Xu and Leon; to this day they are baffled on by what has become of them. Xu gets a letter from Hamano (who is Hamano? What does the letter say to make it important? Example: 'Xu gets a letter from Hamano, a friend of the family, which tells them of a chance meeting with their father.') Thus Her she and Leon embark on a journey to find their parents. Hamano then tells them of a rumour that Zelfar (who is this?) has been resurrected and for them that they should try to find out the truth of it (what is 'it'?).

As the game progresses and you embark on your journey you will then begin to fall in love with all of the characters.
As Xu and Leon set out on their quest they will meet many new friends along the way.

There is are plenty of side-quests in the game and one of them is to collect all of the Bromides of all the female characters that join your party. You can also get four optional party members in your party whom are optional to get they who will help you in battle in many ways.
I appreciate the tips Liberty. That paragraph could be reworded to sound better, I'll give it some thought. Thankfully the game has been accepted (Joy oh joy :D ), thank you all for the help.
That is something I really struggle with as I'm horrible with coming up with descriptions, and fail at grammar, and spelling.
Like for all my 500 of my crafting items I simply use the description "Used for crafting..."
I'd like to make my feel apart of the world instead of ...well not.
A few of the items in my game:
-Passionflower
-Valerian
-Devil's Roots
-Ivy Leaf
-Licorice Roots
-Willow Bark
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@BlackWolf1992:
You probably should have "Used for crafting" somewhere in the item description, if only to be straight-forward to players about it.

As for some kind of "flavor text" that would make those items more a part of the game-world, that's a bit trickier without knowing a bit about your game world. Though, off-hand, maybe Passionflower could run off the legend/myth of Narcissus and Echo (ie: a person who can only repeat what another says falls in love with a person that is full of oneself)?
I will make sure to post some clear feedback on others game descriptions.
As I am here to help/be helped. Trust me...

I have reworked mine. Let's really try to make sense.
at it's very core. In side it's heart of hearts, deep into its electric soul.
it shale be part of that joke 'smoke weed everyday'

"You are a stoner!
So you must be high!

Fight though Nazaraths deep rings.
Save thy Princess!"
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@fearful: Right now, what I'm reading is something along the lines of...

At it's very core, inside it's heart of hearts, deep into it's electric soul, there was a part of a joke:

"Smoke weed everyday!
You are a stoner, so, you must be high!
Fight through Nararath's deep rings!
Save thy Princess!"


...this, or something like it. I... don't know what to do with this. It says very little about the game, how it plays, or who players play as. I mean, if you want to be off-the-wall, that's (probably) fine, but, players still need to know what they're getting into.
ok i re thought a new idea because the games to complicated for me to comprehend at this time???


***
Satanic Cats and Dogs!
Fight to the death!

Inside Nazarths deep internet rings.
***

It's like chess in the sense that it's all on a grid, there is two teams, and only one piece can be on any part of that grid at a time.There is individual pieces that are moving around... 'internet teams' are trying to move them... 'internet teamwork' among reallydumb large crowds of internet people is down right hilarious! and hard in it's own right.

There is also 'cliffs' 'spikes', and 'random satanic spell' parts of the grid the land on.

cliffs, you can't jump over unless you are above it.
spikes, hurt/kill you.
random satanic spells, can help, but sometimes not.

Each 'chess' piece is a cool bag filled with stats and numbers. Wow it even levels up.
Did I mention randomly made and given a name by the players them selves?

<battle simulation; the pieces ran into contact with each other, gota see who's staying. Only one piece can be on a part of the grid, at any point in time.>

abfuaabv cuaa uses slash!
ikayhagvfuawf hp reaches 0!
ikayhagvfuawf faints!

abfuaabv cuaa gains 231 xp!
abfuaabv cuaa is now level 4!

whispers, you would have to whisper to the twitchuser.
maybe no one knows what other commands people are putting in 100%.
twitchchat is not meant for commands. but they will appear non the less.

must whisper to the twitchuser to 'play the game'

maybe computer algorithms could clean up the commands a bit.
the 'cleaned up' commands could be shown??

wow

what happens if the computer that receives all the information from the twitch api.
then sends it to a different computer that processes all the information.
then, at super luminal speeds. sends it to another computer that puts the commands together into a simple command for the game...


in fig1. we can see a crude computer generated internet simulation of a screenshot.


Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
@fearful: I... think you're talking about a tactics RPG. I'm still very sketchy on this, but, the best I can suggest would be something like...

Inside Nazarths deep internet rings, satanic cats and dogs fight to the death! Traps and spells (some of which may be beneficial) have been laid down! Which internet-team will you choose in this tactical RPG?

...that?
author=Marrend
@fearful: I... think you're talking about a tactics RPG. I'm still very sketchy on this, but, the best I can suggest would be something like...

Inside Nazarths deep internet rings, satanic cats and dogs fight to the death! Traps and spells (some of which may be beneficial) have been laid down! Which internet-team will you choose in this tactical RPG?


...that?

Hmmm I like your reworded desc Marrend.

sort of i guess yeah it's a tactical rpg. i played this one called "Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced" a long time ago. not sure what the draw is though.

how do you coax 10000 people to keep playing a vs game together on twitch... :/
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I called it a tactics RPG based on certain things you posted. Most especially...

It's like chess in the sense that it's all on a grid, there is two teams, and only one piece can be on any part of that grid at a time.

There is individual pieces that are moving around... 'internet teams' are trying to move them.

Each 'chess' piece is a cool bag filled with stats and numbers. Wow it even levels up.

...these things. As for a way to get players to actually play, that's a marketing (or public relations) skill that is beyond the scope of this thread.

What is in the scope of this thread is this: The re-worded description I provided is a little over 200 characters, and the minimum character count for a game description is 500 characters. Thus, I'm thinking there could be other information in there that could be touched upon. Such as the mention of voice-activated commands...

whispers, you would have to whisper to the twitchuser.
maybe no one knows what other commands people are putting in 100%.
twitchchat is not meant for commands. but they will appear non the less.

must whisper to the twitchuser to 'play the game'

...in here. However, I could making a huge guess on this point.
My request was denied can you tell me what I did wrong thanks

Five years ago a city was sacrificed in order to stop the demon king Septova. The heroes that had defeated Septova had all went their separate ways leaving only the hero Dylan to take all the credit. When rumors of the demon king coming back start to arise. People blame Dylan and magic. The elemental academy is the only hope but since peoples fear of magic, the school has no money to operate. The school recruits Dylan and some students to try to stop the demons from taking over but will the people get in the way of their own salvation?

This game is set in a modern setting and is a continuation of the game Monster Hunt. It features a unique way to gain skills and also has mini games as an alternate way to make money. The full game is around 30 hours long and the demo is around 45 minutes.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
The suggestion I have would look something like...

A city was sacrificed in order to stop the Demon King, Septova. Those that were responsible for his fall went their separate ways, leading quiet lives, save for Dylan.

Five years after this, the land is once again terrorized by demons, bringing rise to rumors of Septova's return. Dylan and magic become chief scapegoats for the new threat. Students of the Elemental Academy, and Dylan, may be the best option to deal with this threat, but, will popular opinion prevent them from doing their job?


This game is a continuation/sequel to Monster Hunt, with unique ways to gain skills, and mini-games. The full game intends to be around 30 hours long, while the initial demo is around 45 minutes.

...that. Though, I'm kinda looking at the part about it being a continuation of (sequel to?) Monster Hunt, and thinking that a link in the gamepage of Monster Hunt can point to this new game, once the page gets accepted. For reference purposes, what I'm thinking about is more in line with the "Other links of interest" section in these three games.
Thanks for the help. I probably will do something like other links of interest once the game page is accepted.
Can you help me with this please?


Dragon Quest: The Dragon Lord Chronicles is a Dragon Quest fan game.....Duh
And is a project that I have been working on for about....2 years now, and this project has been through it. This is the third time I have restarted this project. But this is my final time, this project will be completed!

Short Story synopsis: The Kingdom of Ariphon, was a vast and thriving kingdom, back in it's prime. That all changed when the evil dragon lord and his minions attacked, this war lasted for 6 years. Thousands of men fought bravely and hard. The result was a torn up kingdom, over a million dead and the dragon lord reigning supreme. 200 years later, the dragon lord has long been caught and executed, the old kingdom may be shattered and gone. What's left (which is very little) lies in the area known as The Sanctuary. All is well, till the king gets word of the cult known as the "Choas bringers" spreads rumors of the dragon lord's resurrection. You are the son of the king, and really the only guy left that can fight. Set out to explore the world searching for clues on where this evil cult could be, and put an end to their plans.

Features
A huge world and vast open world to explore
Brew your potions with stuff you have gathered,or obtained from monsters
Tons of optional dungeons that await the most daring adventure
Varied side quests, there not just "go there and kill this" or "go here and fetch this"
Weapon and armor upgrading system
Multiple party members to find and recruit
Tons of references to other video games, and other pop culture stuff




Quick Word
The animations were made by Kentona. Yes I asked for permission to use them.

I should also state this is an old school rpg game through and through, so the difficulty can and will ramp up.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Off the top of my head, I'd put the story synopsis first and foremost. The part about the game's title, and that it's a fan-game, could probably go into the "Quick Word" section. So, for example, something like...

The Kingdom of Ariphon was a vast and thriving kingdom back in it's prime. That all changed when the evil dragon lord and his minions attacked. The war lasted for 6 years. Thousands of men fought bravely, but, the result was a torn up kingdom, over a million dead, and the dragon lord reigning supreme.

200 years later, the dragon lord has long been caught and executed. What's little was left of the old Aripohn lies in the area known as The Sanctuary. All is well, till the king gets word of the cult known as the "Choas bringers" who spread rumors of the dragon lord's resurrection.

You are the son of the king, and one of the few fighters left in the kingdom. Set out to explore the world, searching for clues on where this evil cult could be, and put an end to their plans!

Features
  • A huge world and vast open world to explore
  • Brew potions with items you have gathered, or obtained from monsters
  • Tons of optional dungeons that await the most daring adventure
  • Varied side quests
  • Weapon and armor upgrading system
  • Multiple party members to find and recruit
  • Tons of references to other video games, and pop culture

Quick Word
This game is an old-school Dragon Quest fan-game through-and-through. Animations were made by kentona, and are used with his permission.

...this.

*Edit: As a sub-note, doing list-tags on gamepages might create automatic white-space between each list entry that... I'm not really sure can be fixed. A viable alternative is to not mess with list formatting.