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So My game is denied because the description, guy please help me to fix it,

Synopsys :
In the central Andestolia, In the kingdom of Vampire Empire spreading the darkness around the world, they sealed the light of the sun with the vessel of magic, cost a thousand soul of human as a sacrifices to active the seal. after thousand year vampire rule the world, with darkness cover the world with the red moon shining in the night. vampire realize their mistake.

Playable Main Charachter :


Philia J. Rose
a son of farmer, she live in litle village in the Wallach country, she's kidnaped by magic that transfer her to the unknown world, after realizing she was in the dark room.



Non-Playable Main Charachter :

Des Dhampire
a Demivampire that lust with the origin blood of vampire, he's betrayed the VampEmpire and finding the path he's faith, his dream is can live in the origin world of Human.

OutCandle
The Sacred One of The Origine Fire, Outcandle's the one fire that live in the world of darkness, it was the one original light that still exist in the dark world, after meet Philia in the Sealed room of Poenari's Outcandle's help philia to reach the hope.

Features :

  • Action-Puzzle
  • Combat-Puzzle
  • Interacting-Actor
  • Original-Charachter
  • Original-Map (Tileset)
  • Original-Enemy & Boss
  • World-Map-in-Stage
  • Survival Event
  • Dungeons Puzzle
  • Photo (Gallery) Reward
  • Checkpoint System
  • Hearth System
  • Difficulty System
  • Chest, Key, Stone System
  • Many More.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
If I may suggest, maybe something like...

Story
In the central Andestolia lies the Vampire Empire, spreading the darkness around the world. They sealed the light of the sun with a vessel of magic at the cost a thousand souls via human sacrifice. After thousand years of vampire rule, even as darkness covers the world, and a moon as red as blood shining in the sky, they have realized their mistake.


Cast
Philia J. Rose
The daughter of a farmer, she lives in a village in the Wallach country. She's transported by magic to an unknown world.

Des Dhampire
A half-vampire who traces his origins back to the very outset of vampirisim. He's betrayed the Vampire Empire, fallowing an ever-faithful dream of living in the world of humans.

OutCandle
The Scared Original Fire is the one light can can exist in this world of darkness. It meets Phila in a sealed room, and assists her to reach out for hope.


Features
- Action Puzzler
- Original Character
- Original Maps/Tilesets
- World Map Stages
- Survival Events
- Photo Gallery (Reward)
- Checkpoint System
- Hearth System
- Difficulty System
- Many More

...this?
author=Marrend
If I may suggest, maybe something like...

Story
In the central Andestolia lies the Vampire Empire, spreading the darkness around the world. They sealed the light of the sun with a vessel of magic at the cost a thousand souls via human sacrifice. After thousand years of vampire rule, even as darkness covers the world, and a moon as red as blood shining in the sky, they have realized their mistake.


Cast
Philia J. Rose
The daughter of a farmer, she lives in a village in the Wallach country. She's transported by magic to an unknown world.


Des Dhampire
A half-vampire who traces his origins back to the very outset of vampirisim. He's betrayed the Vampire Empire, fallowing an ever-faithful dream of living in the world of humans.

OutCandle
The Scared Original Fire is the one light can can exist in this world of darkness. It meets Phila in a sealed room, and assists her to reach out for hope.


Features
- Action Puzzler
- Original Character
- Original Maps/Tilesets
- World Map Stages
- Survival Events
- Photo Gallery (Reward)
- Checkpoint System
- Hearth System
- Difficulty System
- Many More


...this?

okay i'll post the description like this oh i forgot to thank you, wish me luck! approval! im on my way!
This is my new game I am working on called Insanity: Blood Omen
I need some help with spelling and errors and corrections to the description


From the creator who brought you Don't Eat The Purple Ones
and Black Suede: The Zelfar Chronicles, comes my first attempt at an RPG/visual novel/horror.
Hello my name is Yamus Airagombie (The nararator's real name) but you can call me
Bob! I am here to tell you a creepy story about a girl
named Alexis who has a fear of everything...
Alexis the main character in this
game sets out to conquer her fears.
This is a game where your chioces, deside the
fate of others... Would you go beyond to save your
friends or would let your friends die?

"F-E-A-R has two meanings:
'Forget Everything And Run' or 'Face Everything
And Rise' The choice is yours."
-Zig Zigler

"To Conquer fear is the begining of wisdom."
-Bertrand Russell
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
Off the top of my head, maybe something like...

Hello! My name is Yamus Airagombie, but you can call me Bob! I'm here to tell you about a girl named Alexis who's afraid of everything! She sets out to conquer those fears, and, with a little help from you, maybe she can do just that! It's all about choices.


"'Fear' has two meanings: Forget everything and run, or face everything and rise. The choice is yours" - Zig Zigler

"To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom." - Betrand Russel


From the creator of Don't Eat the Purple Ones and Black Suede: The Zelfar Chronicles, comes Insanity: Blood Omen, an attempt at a RPG/visual novel/horror game.


...this?
I submited my game and it's pending now, but I only found out I had to post the description here in case it has any errors in it. So I'm posting, if the pending part takes long enough, someone may help me in between!

Mission Whaled:



Astaroshe and Sebastian are Whale Worshippers living in the dystopian city of LoomLoom.
One night they both dream about being inside THE GREAT WHALE OF TIME. Their shared dream suddenly perishes after meeting with a fellow worshipper nearby.
Who was the mysterious man? Are they the chosen ones? Will there be Pizza?

(( This game is just silly, so if you're after a stupid and mindless experience, you're in the right place. I was bored of bug fixing my main game and made this one just to relax, so no special content here. ))

Features:

- Developed in 2 days.
- Embark on this whimsical journey with 15 maps.
- No random encounters.
- THE GREAT WHALE OF TIME.
- A priest named Sista.
- More time spent in the character generator than on eventing.
- 3 quests.
- No use of external plugins.
- Stupid story brimming with stupidity.
- Some puns and 4th wall breaking.
- Severe lack of punctuation.
- You play as the villain sometimes.
- Lasts for about 45 minutes.
- Awesome graphics full in RTP.
- No pizza.


Characters:
Some of the incredibly well-written characters you'll find in Mission Whaled.



Featuring high-quality realistic Brother love.



The Puppenmacher might make you some Gothic Dolls.



The mystery remains.


Heh.
(Dark Light)An outbreak has plagued Rat City and the ones behind it are the Human Correct Corp(HCC). They are known for injecting people with the B-Virus. You and a unknown woman must survive this nightmare and take back the city. Your father has left behind clues to a cure that may save Rat City, however, will you be able to stop the virus in time? and who? are these So called Human Correct Corp. and do they have ties with Umbrella the virus has spread. you're name is Caius a private investigator. allied with stars member Rebecca Chambers.Your nightmare begins Here.welcome to rat city.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
@Nana: Well, I think that description works more or less on an as-is basis, given that it's a comedic description of a (probably) comedic game. Even the spelling of "Whale Worshippers" (as opposed to "Whale Worshipers") might be seen as word play via pronunciation.

@redwall10: I feel like I've seen this description before? Bah. Anyway, maybe it could be something more like...

An outbreak has plagued Rat City, and the ones behind it are the Human Correct Corp (HCC). They are known for injecting people with the B-Virus. You and fellow STARS member, Rebecca Chambers, must survive, and take back the city. Your father has left behind clues to a cure that may save Rat City, however, will you be able to stop the virus in time? Who's behind the so-called Human Correct Corp, and do they have ties with Umbrella?

Now, unless the title of the game makes it blatantly obvious, you may want to mention that this is a Resident Evil fan-game, or is otherwise based on said series.
Yes Marrend this is the same story as last time. I just wanted to add a little more.
This is a little like the Resident Evil story. however I do not want to give it that title.
InfectionFiles
the world ends in whatever my makerscore currently is
4622
author=redwall10
Yes Marrend this is the same story as last time. I just wanted to add a little more.
This is a little like the Resident Evil story. however I do not want to give it that title.
It sounds exactly like it. You might as well for more views. And sorry, but "Rat City" is pretty awful.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
I kinda feel "Rat City" is taking a page from "Racoon City" here. In that both have an animal's name before "City". Though, I'm not really sure what could be "better" there. I'm pretty terrible at names, actually!
InfectionFiles
the world ends in whatever my makerscore currently is
4622
I get it, it's just a bad play on the city name.
Hi all!

My game was rejected because description & grammar issues can you guys help me with that please? :S i really want to see my game in this community :)


Greetings.

-Game Description

Story:
"Andrew, a boy tired of his situation is waiting for the bus to his job as usual but after a while the bus never comes, so he decided to turn back home and sleep for the rest of the day however in his way back home something odd its going to happen..."


Maker:
A short game that i made in RPG Maker 2003 (Steam Version) was so fun to do, so i hope all of you enjoy it playing too, it's a 10 minute game with three different finals (if you can find the way to get it) so every time you end the game you can see a part of the story so make your own conclusions.

Very inspired by "Wither" and "Ghost Suburb II" this game is a tribute to those authors for their great work.


Important:
I don't own the characters bases they belong to CARRIONBLUE/Moga
that was modify by me, music and sounds are from freesound.com and some others materials are from RPG Maker 2003.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
@Elaxhave: Hrm. Well, maybe something like...

Andrew waits for the bus to get to work as usual. He's never been particularly thrilled about his job, but, the bus is uncomfortably late. As it becomes more and more apparent that he's not going to be on time today, Andrew decides to call the day off, and goes back home. He does not expect anything to happen on the way back, and yet, he comes across some very peculiar happenings.

Personal Asides
This short game was made with the Steam version of RPG Maker 2K3, and it was pretty fun to do. It takes about 10 minutes, and has three different endings. The general idea is that each time players get an ending, they see a certain part of the story, and make their own conclusions.

This game was very much inspired by Wither and Ghost Suburb II. The characters are based off of edits of work done by CARRIONBLUE, while some musics/sounds are from freesound.com. Most other work is from RPG Maker 2K3's run-time package.

...this.

*Edit: Though, I think it might be freesound.org, as I tried looking up freesound.com, and it was giving me a "buy this domain!" page.
Thank you!!

:D looks great now, and yes you are right its freesound.org sorry for that.
And again, thanks for the help! this is really helpfull so i'm going to try
the submit again!


Greetings :)
So My game is denied because the description, guy please help me to fix it

Story:
Ookami School, the class 3°A is having a regular morning lesson, when a lightning hits the West Wing of the school causing a complete Blackout. Is up to Ichigo Suzuki, the school representative, to ask for help. But she will find out that the whole school is full of demons and that she has been teleported to another dimension. You can't runa way. But she will find out that a divinity himself is going to give some spirits, able to transform themselves into weapons and with different powers and characteristics, to those chosen students. Will they be able to survive?

Characters:

Ichigo Suzuki: she is the 3°A class representative. She is polemic sometimes, but she gets busy for the class and she can be a true leader. Her friends are Akame, Roku and Haru.

Yume: she is Ichigo's spirit and she is a girl, even if it doesn't seems to. Yume can't remember very much about her past and she can transform herself into a Beretta 9mm.

Roku Yamada: he is a quite tall, blond boy with light blue eyes. He is the class representative with Ichigo.

Haru Tanaka: she is a very tiny girl and she is very cute for her class. She is tiny, but, if she gets angry, she can become dangerous.

Akame Kimura: she is often called Senpai, because she has been failed and so she is older than Ichigo, Roku and Haru. She smokes a lot and she is a badass.

Development Team:

Stefano Montironi (MrSte): Game Designer, Mapper, and Programmer

Rebecca Visentin (MissRebs): Storyboarder, Concept Artist, and Pixel Artist

Eleonora Ferrari (Ellie): Storyboarder, and Game Tester

Giulia Di Pasqua (Chu): Storyboarder, and Concept Artist

Controls
Directional Arrows: To move
Esc: To open Menu
Q: To open the Diary
Shift: To Run
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
First off, welcome to RMN! Share your creativity with us!

Now, as for the description, I'm thinking something along...

Story:
Ookami School, Class 3°A. The students there are having their regular morning lesson when lightning strikes the west wing of the school, causing a complete blackout. Ichigo Suzuki, the class representative, naturally goes to ask for assistance. She soon finds that the school is full of demons, and that she, and her classmates, have been transported to some twisted alternate reality.

While they cannot run from the demons, they can still fight. They find benevolent spirits in this plane that allow certain students to use them as literal weapons against the demons. Even so, desperate battles lie before them.


Characters:

Ichigo Suzuki
She is Class 3°A's representative. She is polemic sometimes, but recent events shows her concern for the class first, and thus shows qualities of a leader. Her friends are Akame, Roku and Haru.

Yume
She is Ichigo's spirit-weapon. Yume can't remember very much about her past, but she takes on the form and function of a 9mm Beretta.

Roku Yamada
A tall, blond boy with light blue eyes. He is the class representative with Ichigo.

Haru Tanaka
A tiny, cute girl that gets extremely dangerous when she gets angry.

Akame Kimura
Called "Senpai", as she's been held back a year, if not two. The owner of a "badass" attitude and a smoker.


Development Team:
Stefano Montironi (MrSte): Game Designer, Mapper, and Programmer

Rebecca Visentin (MissRebs): Storyboarder, Concept Artist, and Pixel Artist

Eleonora Ferrari (Ellie): Storyboarder, and Game Tester

Giulia Di Pasqua (Chu): Storyboarder, and Concept Artist

...this. Though, it might be more technically correct to write "3-A" as opposed to "3°A". I could be wrong on this point, but, I've never seen it written with the former's style. As for the section for controls, I personally don't think it needs to be there for an RPG Maker game (which might be a large assumption on my part), but, I suppose it could be in there.


*Edit: Totally forgot about opening the Diary with Q. Hrm. Okay, sure, include it.
Hello guys. I want to submit my description here before posting.
Please, someone can review my description and grammar.

The game is called "The Orbs Quest"(action/adventure/puzzle game).

Plot:

Before...

The kingdom of Nayru possesses enchanted lands, a great source of magical energy. But no one who tried to extract it succeeded.

Until...

In search of this great power, an evil mage called Lord Kruul captured the castle of Nayru and made the people of the kingdom their prisoners.

Using almost all his power he get to extract from the Nayru's lands orbs of magic energy.
Scattered throughout the kingdom, Kruul then uses his creatures to collect them.

Meanwhile...

A young mage girl who is crossing the kingdom of Nayru hears requests for help and decides to look what is happening. Using a powerful magic rod, she chase away the creatures that were attacking the old lady.

Distracted while the old lady explained what was happening, she is attacked by a creature of Lord Kruul who steals the magic rod.

Now...

How to recover the magic rod, save the people of Nayru and stop Lord Kruul?

Gather all the magical orbs scattered across the kingdom and use that power to defeat Lord Kruul and save them all.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
@dwart: Off the top of my head, I would suggest...

The kingdom of Nayru possesses enchanted lands, a great source of magical energy. But not a one who tried to extract it succeeded. In search of this great power, an evil mage called Lord Krull captured the castle of Nayru, and imprisoned it's people.

Using almost all his power, he managed to extract Nayru's magic into orbs. Even thought those orbs were scattered throughout the land, Krull had no qualms sending minions to collect those orbs.


A young mage passes through kingdom of Nayru, and hears requests for help. Using a magic rod, she chases away the creatures that were attacking an old lady. As the woman explains the situation, one of Krull's minions steals the wand, possibly mistaking it for an orb.

Now the mage is beset with two problems: how to recover her rod, and obtain the orbs before Lord Krull can?

...this.
Marrend, that's what I needed. With some minor adjustments and I'll try to get approved. Thanks a lot for your help and patience.