*peeks head in to check no-one is around, then sneaks in*

Wow... it feels almost alien for me to sit down and write another blog (No. 198 as of writing). Not to mention the last blog for this game was written more than two years ago. And because Icebound is still pending, I'll probably just write the blog here.

So you'd probably be asking me why I'm writing another piece for a game that was completed in November 2014?

Well, thing is... The commercial evil is calling out to me. Like most hobbyists, I do dream about making a full-time living out of doing something I love so I can quit my dreary, soul-sucking 8-5 job.

It can seriously stifle the creative spirit and probably one of the reasons why my game-dev passion just vanished a few years ago. But now, having reached the ripe old age of 30 and forever leaving my twenties behind, I figured that:

1) I can't take life too seriously (most of my games have been pretty serious)
2) Let go of past grudges and
3) It is about high-time I decided to make the life I want to live and not be slave to a dreary job where getting a double bonus at the end of the year makes it bearable (it isn't).

I've also decided to buck-up on my art skills so that when I do go commercial one day, I can at least save myself a few hundred bucks by not hiring an artist. zero-project's (my music-muse) music is free for all commercial work, so that's one less problem to worry about.



I'm also feeling a bit overwhelmed at trying to familiarise myself with MV. The engine has enormous potential, but all these plug-ins... Yanfly is seriously on a roll. To someone who has been using VX since late 2010-early 2011, to me it feels like the equivalent of going from paddling around in a baby pool, to diving off the 10-metre springboard. But I know it will pay off in the long-term. But I'll probably end up making a few short games in MV before taking this huge step.

It's exciting, but also terrifying at the same time. I need to let go of my innermost fears and just release all that pent-up creative energy. What is my innermost fears, you ask?

Well...

It is the fear of failure. Also, the fear of letting down people who expect great things from you, who expect you to be at the top of your game no matter what. But worst of all, for me at least, is when someone (whether in real life or on the internet) expresses immense disappointment in you. That... has always struck me hard and always sits like a lead balloon in my chest.

As to what happened about a year-and a half ago...

I regret it, and bitterly. I lost a few good friends that day, and I still it to this day. Every time I thought about RMN during my hiatus, that was the first incident I thought of. But I guess I'll have to learn to live with it.

So, here's to a better and more productive 2018! No more fears, no more past regrets, and no more looking back.

This is Luchi, who is now officially back from the dead, signing out.
Blog No. 198 written.

Also, the blog title is totally not a reference to an episode in Granblue.