EMANZI'S PROFILE

yeah, such guys like that teacher should get locked up.... I guess you can never trust strangers.

@ Nightblade: Wow, I'm sorry to hear that but like tau said you should keep your head up. 30's still young plus it wont solve anything...

I can't really comment on the question since you could say I'm yet to be shitted on by the world lol, but so far I'd say I'm content not exactly happy or depressed yet.

My life took a turn when I was 9, before that it was as you could say perfect, My father past away. When he had met my mother he quit drinking but it was unfortunetlly too late and simply a matter of time before he died. Him being a doctor he already knew so he managed to pay for me and my sisters education untill collage with his life savings.

I was basically stuck in a school called rainbow, although it was a good school ( education wise ) and I respect him for paying for my education for the most part, it was just like any other school I guess, sucky.
Why I say school is sucky is simply because I would always get into fights, I almost stabbed someone who used to bully me and nearly cut my thumb off. I used to love watching Bruce Lee movies as a kid ( my dad had a collection of Clint Eastwood and Chuck Norris westerns and Bruce Lee movies on video ) because he would stand up for the under dog, was a skinny dude but could kick ass and most of all was like my alter ego since I was beaten ( disciplined as they say ) as a child, I always had a burning hatred inside me and would fight anyone who pissed me off usually older kids who never had no respect ( like they would own the football pitch, steal stuff like my prized game boy and Pokemon and generally picked on younger kids for kicks ). Me trying to be like Bruce Lee and kick ass would happen in the opposite. I eventually formed a gang, I wasn't the "leader" but It was better than being alone. I was like 12 then. I bought a swiss army knife and like I said out of intense bullying I wanted to kill someone but thankfully didn't. After that day I told my mum about it and instead of me moving schools she told me I have to man up to life. Maybe we didn't have enough money to move schools or something but she was right...

So years went by ( I was now 14-15 ) and I eventually learned to control my anger and relax but not for long... Me and my friends went out during the weekend one day to the lake side. We would usually go there and smoke cigarettes, talk to girls, you know the whole bad ass mentality thats so embedded in "black" youth culture ( that in my opinion is over rated ). So one weekend we took a walk to a weird little mud hut, there was a one eyed hunch back guy sitting beside the door. My freind handed him a coin and in return he got this strange looking cigarette.
"Dude you gotta hit this", that was the first time I smoked some weed and I wont lie, it was the best moment in my life so far, Its like all of a sudden I could do whatever I wanted, talk to who ever I wanted and most of all felt like I was flouting above it all. No worries. Man did I love weed, at one point even more than girls.
I would buy and sell weed at school for extra money and just to be known as bad ass motherfucker once again hehe. There was this one time I bought a blunt from a friend of mine who passed away ( Noel ), he said he got it from a slum and it was reputation to be the hardest most bad ass weed out there. He never tried it and wanted me to "test" it for him. me being the pothead elite.

So I took this blunt home, it was a Friday so I definitely smoked up right away. This blunt was strange, It was laced with cocaine. It really mind fucked me, I started freaking the hell out. I remember time slowing down intensly, I could hear repetative patterns of sounds that where non existent but disturbing, Evrything around me felt like it was collapsing and my chest was in piercing pain and so was my head after around 30 minutes. My sister tried to cool me down and I threw a knife at her but missed. I was running around like a crazy person and though something was chasing me and going to kill me. I can never forget that day...

I never quit weed after that, infact I did more than ever. In a way I was chasing that height because it was the most thrilling also I thought I would be a pussy thing to do If I quit after that. My mom eventually found out and I became very apathetic, failed in school and generally didn't give a shit about nothing. All that mattered to me was getting high. I was taken to a psychiatrist and said I was just depressed, pulled the whole sob story about my fathers death. I don't know if that was really true or If was just lying. I had no emotion then
( 16 now ). I was prescribed Amphetamine, for some reason I was hoping I'd get E or Viking ( Vikadin ). I became a pill poper doing Amphs, got my hands on some speed too and also did heavy pain killers, laced weed and some stuff called "Kuber" which was a mixture of heroin, weed, cocaine and some indian drug stuff .

I overdosed on Amphs and Pain Killers one day, for like 2 days I never remembered what happened. The last memory was me passing out in my garden smoking a cigarette and my dogs over me... The next thing I remembered was I was at a hospital then passed out again... after that I was at home and it had been 2 days. I had a feeling like a deep hole in my mind ( withdrawal ) and remember crying myself to sleep after looking for my stash but it had been removed. I then, out of pure will, decided never to do drugs again when I saw how it affected not only me but my whole family. Whenever I'd walk into a room with anyone ( my mom or sister ) they would look miserable and even at times cry. I still had no emotion then but could see that this was going no where. I'd be as dead as my dad... maybe thats what I wanted I don't know...

Don't worry almost done.

So time came and my sister had to go to university, I had been clean for 8 months straight since and was feeling alot better about myself.
I could talk to girls again and have a conversation ( at some point I was a ghost and suffering from psychosis a mixture of paranoia and temporary schizophrenia ), I also used to isolate myself from people and play video games only. No talking, no smiling, no jokes, not even getting into fights.Nothing.

My mom said since I had quit drugs and was doing well in school again I could go do a foundation course with my sister in Malaysia, ( although I would smoke cigarettes and occasionally normal weed but for me that was as clean as Virgin Marys pussy ). I left after smoking one last joint. I made up my mind after that to quit smoking and focus on my education.
To cut a long story short that never worked out. We were living with my fat cousin Roland, I would call him Roll-and-smoke cause thats what he did and eventually I went back to my old ways. The weed in Malaysia is imported from Thailand, These guys want life time customers to they lace it, that got me hooked. I used to be addicted to laced weed seriously. So I stopped going to class altogether, living like a bum stealing my cousins stash and blowing my allowance on more. I was lucky the cops never got me. I'd be dead.
So onetime I was smoking a J watching Animax sloping on a beer and dominoes, my usual fix. My sister was in her room on skype talking with my mom. I never talked to her out of guilt. She, by mistake, left the audio on live and my mom listened in as we had an argument about my life. She came within a week and took me home...That was the end of my joy ride.

I was immediately slammed into a rehab with no exceptions. Guess I deserved it. I saw my future, a psycho junkie with no purpose in life but to make the ones who love you miserable. Thats when my mother told me how my father died. How he was a very smart and gifted man but alcohol killed him. I also learned how weed can permanently mess your head up especially if your a teenager. It's not the 60's man, weeds commercial with no laws to limit its potency or keep laced weed out.
There was this guy who was passed out, his eyes rolled behind his head, foaming at the mouth. Man I saw some disturbing shit, some crackhead smashed the T.V cause he wanted a cigarette, threw shit everywhere ( literally his doo-doo ) and knocked some guy out cold with the lunch bell. We were all half insane some of us zombies. I hard lined it for 3 months ( it was supposed to be 6 ) but I made a decision never to go back into drugs this time no exceptions, not even a cigarette on the side or half a J on the weekends.
It was fucking hard. I wont lie I smoked up late nights at 3:00AM and one time almost got caught, going back to that hell hole and generally looking pathetic woke me up. I said at least let me wait untill I'm older, have a good job and I'll see from their.

Right now I'm focused on school ( collage ) and getting my dream job in games technology as a character designer. I have hope for my life since I'm just 17. My life's yet to begin though. Either I can make it or I might end up dead early like father like son...

good luck

@ alterego hahaha, yeah your right, never mind about that guys hehe....

Yeah...read too much sci-fi, but I still believe in aliens as much as the pope believes in god. We might both be wrong or right but whatever.

Ancient Japan was also sick, Samurai's, Ninjas, Honor, you know but those guys can be a bit too extreme at times such as suicide after failing to do ones duty e.t.c

I've seen there's a lack in trippy stuff for X.P and VX.
X.P's great for combining custom tile-sets and so far I've been using Paint.Net and photoshop to make one of my own thats totaly original. Here some images, Still yet to cut it into a tileset.

> This is a temple/spaceship. Its part of a spaceship that was designed to transcend dimensions through black holes. Fell to another universe on a desert planet and out if it came life that evolved to live on the planet


>This is just a dead tree thats curly, its going in the tileset.


I'm yet to make others and finally make one large trippy tile-set that I'll share with you guys of course. Any ideas or tips guys ^_^.
P.S The temple is alot bigger than that, just wanted something sizable to show you.

@ Kentona, yeah your absolutely right, Religion on its own isn't bad like how a gun on its own is harmless.