HASVERS'S PROFILE

And now for something completely different ...

I would suggest reading Codex Seraphinianus if you haven't already (or at least reading about it, since it's quite hard to find)
There's something both lovely and repulsive to me about this kind of universes. You are a mighty fine artist anyway.

Totally agree with kumada on both accounts. The only horrible thing in inventory juggling is when there's no way to swap items between inventories without dropping one of them (which I believe I recall having to do in this game, but I may be mistaken). If you could solve/have solved/never had this problem, then everything's perfect.

This is a nice demo ! I really like the fact that the story is seen through a quite original viewpoint. As for the dialogue, it is quite good and I appreciate the fact that you put effort in it, although I may have some suggestions if you're interested in them (not that I claim any degree of expertise, but these things are always easier to see from outside, speaking as an occasional wannabe writer who has a very hard time constructing natural dialogues).

Some exchanges do suffer from characters being seemingly defined by a single personality trait - of course, I realize that there isn't much time in this short prologue for character development, but there's a narrow path of excellence between bland characters and cartoonish/anime-ish exaggerations ; right now, Lorelei feels like a truly interesting character, while the other ones are a bit sketchy, even Marian who comes close second in terms of screen time.

Maybe insisting a bit less on a single aspect of the characters in the dialogues (such as "sheep prince" or Liam being uneasy around women), and especially refraining from using the exact same phrase too often, such as "girly face", would help in this respect. These things certainly help defining a character when you first meet them (they were totally fine in the first dialogue outside Lorelei's house), but I get the feeling that they should quickly be supplemented by at least another trait : being two-dimensional is already a huge improvement over 1D, and still very manageable in a few exchanges.

Also, you could perhaps tone down a teeny bit the "exposition dialogue" : in particular Marian sometimes utters information-laden sentences that are obviously intended for the player rather than for the other characters, and it feels a bit antiquated as a way to convey backstory. The narrative screens that you inserted between some scenes are a much better device for achieving this IMHO.

Of course, these are just suggestions, but I feel like you're not far from having something that sounds right, given a few slight adjustments. I will certainly play the rest of this game when it comes out. Keep up the good work !

I for one would love to play it, actually, so if you don't put the link somewhere I'd appreciate a PM ! I don't care much about a few glitches, and I'll be sure to comment on the storyline ^^

Hello there ! This challenge is a great idea, I'll try to do it sometimes.