NHUBI'S PROFILE

GreyInvidia I'd actually include a line before the instructions

DON'T PLAY THIS GAME

Because quite honestly if this is a guy who knows the game is killing him why would he recommend someone else play it? You can follow that with,

If you are already playing
DON’T PLAY THIS GAME LATE AT NIGHT.
DON’T GO INTO THE FOREST.
FOLLOW THE RULES."

Otherwise he just comes across as a bit of a jerk.

Also a couple of lines need fixing

"I never thought that a curse of the past would be that what killed me. Should be "I never thought that a curse from the past would be what killed me.

Yes, by the time you are reading this I will be dead already. Should be Yes, by the time you read this I will be dead.

'I got back to the game" should be "I went back to the game"

Well that whole second paragraph isn't needed. Try something like this, bits in red are either questions or notes to be added by you.

Rachel, Joey and Lance are college students, living together to save on rent. Rachel is a conscientious XX major (you didn't mention what she is studying) Joey is a mechanical engineer with an exacting focus on robotics and Lance is studying hard to become a marine biologist, but isn't sure of his future as college was more his parent's idea than his.

At the end of the college year the three friends decide to move in to a new apartment together, but in the process of packing (or unpacking do they find it at the old apartment of the new one?) they come across a sword that none of them have seen before and when one of them touches it they find themselves transported to another world.

They are soon found by a man called Julius who though sceptical of the fantastic tale they tell him of the world from which they came, decides to help them find a way to return home.

That covers pretty much what you have written but you need a hook though, something to add danger or intrigue, something to catch the player's eye and interest.

I always thought TriAnna was destined for dark times. I mean they can't end up together when all is said and done so I knew that investing in them was going to lead to sorrow. I always just expected this game to fill me with feels of all kinds. I think the grimdark could be an interesting experiment for you, but it is a hard one to pull off well without falling into the many pitfalls that sort of scenario presents. You have to allow at least a glimmer of hope throughout all the depression or you can lose the players. They need to be able to imagine a future where it gets better but still feel the edge and violence of the times they are living through. Good Luck.

I stand by my statement xD. Though I do find it interesting that you read feedback on other people's pieces. Most of the reason why I hide it is so that people can just go to their own rather than having to view them all.

Is that a thing, do people do that?