RUE669'S PROFILE

Indie game developer of Elohim Eternal series.
http://elohimeternal.net

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RM RPGs...you have beaten

I've beaten a score of demos (too many to list). In terms of completedgams though:

Every completed game by Legion (Iron Gaia, Virus, Backstage)
Tyrant God Saga {still my favourite}
Castlevania Sonata in Red

Critique Request: ...Do I write good Fight Scenes?

Mitsuhide:

About explaining magic, or anyhting in a story: it's always good to show it in little tidbits. It's never good to have a big chunk of text describing the character's magic abilities. Write scenes that show these things. It might seem hard, but it's actually quite easy; just takes planning. And the story will feel more relaxed and flow better if you give us it in little showy tidbits than as a block of info-dump. As a speculative writer, sometimes info-dumps are unavoidable, but they should always be done quick. Literally one or two sentences.

That's not to say that telling detail doesn't have it's uses. It does. If you have a big time gap in the story you're going to have to tell it rather than show. If you showed EVERYTHING in a story the novel would be enormous and no one would read it. Arthur C. Clarke writes about the importance of telling in an essay. Can't remember the name or where I saw it, but it a quick google check could prolly find it.

You write your fight scenes like Hideyuki Kikuchi's Vampire Hunter D's fight scenes. I love that series but I find the fight scenes way too boring becuase a) they appear frequently and b) he has a tendency to tell things in background.

A great way to learn how to write fight scenes is by looking at comic books. It's quick, fast, it's showy, and it gets the job done. Pick up a comic book with a fight scene in it and write the fight scene as it's shown in the comic book. I read A LOT of Berserk which has loads of fight scenes in it and it's all very quick and exciting, though sometimes there's boring background and stupid little jokes that drag the action but not always. Often he'll describe what happens AFTER the fight happens, and even then, he does it quick.

Orig:
LOL bout Catcher in the Rye. I used to advertise that book everywhere. Still my favourite novel. I read it once a year. When I got more time I'll look over some of your stories, but since they aren't fantasy/scifi, I can't give them my best.

Azn:
DID YOU MAKE A GAME ALREADY? You always had these cool projects. Thanks, bytheway, about Zephyrus... it's still one of my favourite games, too :P I hope you guys will like this other project I'm cooking up. Still planning it, though, but should be fun :D

What are you currently reading?

I'm reading loads:

Michael Moorcock's JERRY CORNELL'S COMIC CAPERS (funny agent spoof--poor editing though)
Maurice Dantec's GRAND JUNCTION (literary sci-fi.... it's okay... I like and then sometimes it's a drag to read)
John Marco's THE DEVIL'S ARMOR (not nearly as good as the EYES OF GOD... but it's getting there)
Brian DeLeeuw's IN THIS WAY I WAS SAVED (surprisingly good.... I expected it to be shit)
Stephen Donaldson's A DARK AND HUNGRY GOD ARISES (greatest sci-fi book ever written.... this book is sooooo good... HIGHLY recommend)

Bunch of short stories by Neil Gaiman (FRAGILE) and Jay McInerney (HOW IT ENDED)

What Videogames Are You Playing Right Now?

Playing Dragon Age: Origins.

It's great, but no Mass Effect. I'm at the end. After that prolly some Brutal Legend.

Can't wait for January, though--DANTE'S INFERNO!!!

Critique Request: ...Do I write good Fight Scenes?

Hey, guys. I'm back after a long hiatus. Though I've always sorta lurked. Hope you guys have been doing well.

Orig, I saw some of your writing in that topic where you posted all your stuff. You're writing has definitely improved. I'm glad you stuck with it. Writing is tough as shit. It takes time and you're writing will ALWAYS be improving. Keep practicing.

I *might* be starting a new game. MIGHT.

Critique Request: ...Do I write good Fight Scenes?

PLEASE FIND MY COMMENTS BELOW:


"A" dashed forward, ready to strike. His entire body stiffened as he closed in on his fiendish opponent; {this was it, the supposed final confrontation...} not needed; useless information; cut it

{"B" tightened his grip on his weapon and slashed diagonally once "A" was in range. He was dangerously fast, so much so the he matched "A's" agility. Fortunately, "A" performed a somersault and evaded, countering with his kusarigama. "B" blocked "A's" strike; a deadlock occurred. It was as if reality was lagging.} Lots going on here. Fight scenes suck when you describe the whole thing. It's fucking fun to write a fight scenes but they are boring as shit to read. Whenever you got a fight scene make it quick and DO NOT describe everything. Believe me, readers would rather read "He ran the monster through with his sword" rather than "He dashed forward; then he thrusted his sword out, hoping it would land it's mark. It did, and the sword plunged deep into the monster's heart.

{Both combatants seemed to see one another's actions in slow-motion, giving him the necessary time to deliberate his attacks. Of course, this was an illusion; "A's" training and "B's" demonic power assisted in their quick reaction time.} Who's the point of view character? A or B? Here you've done a POV slip, in other words, who's viewing this, who's eyes are we looking through here? If this is an omniscient narrator--scrap it. Omniscient narrators are boring. Also, be careful of the word "seemed"; don't say how things SEEMED... show them, instead. Seemed is a shitty word and what amateur writers use a lot because their lazy and don't want to put the effort to show.

Both warriors strained and attempted {strained and attempted are horrible words here... saying that they struggled to break is fine} to break the other's fortitude. Only a few more seconds elapsed, {again, too much details here... you just wasted several seconds of my reading time to tell me several seconds elapsed} "A" retracted his blade and jumped into the air. On his descent, he slashed downward. "B" was able to {was able to... avoid at all costs! too passive. B guarded against the attack is ACTIVE} guard against his attack. Before "A" had even made contact with the ground, {he's STILL up in the ground? you see what I mean by writing too damn much for a fight scene?} "B" shoved him with his sword. "A" soared through the air and slide {slid} to a halt once gracing {hitting's better--gracing makes no sense} the wooden floor. "B" stylishly {cut anything with a -ly at the end... stylishly shows me nothing} brandished his sword and clasped the handle with both hands in a diagonal position. Focusing his power once more {dont need once more}, "B" formed a violet shade around his nodachi's blade. Lifting the sword into the sky, he swung down forcefully {cut forcefully} and a violet wave shot from it.

"A's" eyes bulged--what an astonishing attack! {this shows me that A is the POV character--which means that his 'eyes bulged' would be a POV slip. Saying, "What an astonishing attack" shows us that he is surprised} Though "A" was bewildered by "B's" outstanding display of strength {"skill" would do fine}, he didn't allow his concentration to falter {show this instead, this is too telling, or take it out completely and start with the next sentence:}. He rolled to the side and avoided the massive wave {see how many words you spent describing what he thought about the attack when the attack should have been coming quickly? you should have started with this sentence}, which tore apart the wall behind him. "A" gave a fleet glance {glanced is fine} back to view the damage and then looked back at the evil tyrant. The heat of the flames below could be felt on the floor {show this... like... his feet warmed as the heat of the flames below burned the floor}. Soon "B's" chamber would be enveloped in a raging inferno. Not only this, but "A" was sure that {if it's in A's POV, then you don't have to tell us that A was sure of this and that... since it's A's POV we know A is thinking it} their brawl {choose a better word... brawl makes me think of wrestlers} was greatly damaging the castle as well; mostly from "A's" energy-based attacks leaving ugly gashes on the walls {dont need to tell us about the wall gashes... we saw it firsthand}. "A's" patience was now dying; he felt it was time to finish his mission if he were to escape with his life. {aren't they still fighting? youre wasting time with this HE FELT HE NEEDED TO END THIS NOW! monologue bullshit... cut it and get with the program} He rushed ahead. A conceited scowl formed on "B's" face, one that signaled "A's" chivalrous attempts were futile {ugly... you're giving too much away and not letting the reader imagine shit... just say, "B scowled".}. "A" leaped into the air once again, but this time, he was thrown backwards by an invisible kinetic blast from "B's" outstretched hand {I hope you explained this magic really, REALLY well}. "A" crashed onto the floor, dust bolted {dust clouds rose} from beneath him. The stinging pain he felt in his back would surely produce struggle. {ugly... just pain stung his back or flared his back where he hit it hard}

“I have grown bored of this, 'A'.” 'B' proclaimed, “I've had enough of your moronic attempts at claiming my life. You will never succeed, plain and simple..." {trite dialogue.... change}





I hope this helps. Sorry if I was a little mean, just trying to stress the point. Fight scenes are hard. Remember:

make them quick
beware of pov slips
show us what's going on, don't tell it as background
dont give everything away... stories are a battle of wits between the writer and the reader... write something that the reader's imagination can soar with...

2006 Releases - Master List

author=The Real Brickroad link=topic=22.msg220#msg220 date=1181323153
People will bitch no matter what.

NO. MATTER. WHAT.

If we built a machine that was scientifically proven to be 100% objective to judge every single game we put into it on its own merits, all the way through, and ran the list through it twelve times just for the sake of redundancy, and made a panel of Jesus Christ, Santa Claus and Shigeru Miyamoto sign off on every one, people would STILL bitch. Bitch bitch bitch.

All people really want is for their own game to win every single category. When that doesn't happen, they bitch about it. Sad fact of internet entitlement.

Agreed.

WIP, I was just saying what I thought since we were on the subject. This is actually the first MISAO I'm actually paying attention to. I always miss them, lol.

2006 Releases - Master List

The only thing bad about everyone being able to vote and no judges is that well... you can get someone who played one 2006 game and they're nominating that game in all the categories because that's the only game they've played.

Did they really bitch about judges? How dumb are people?

Maybe if the community voted on judges... that would be cool, and then the judges would have to play through a lot of these games.

Anyway, great list Blindmind.

Your Priorities

author=The Real Brickroad link=topic=8.msg189#msg189 date=1181245895
So you're the reason they keep making Xenosaga games. Thanks alot man.

AND I ENJOY THEM DAMNIT! lol :P

Your Priorities

Story for me. Even if the game has poor (or even zero) gameplay I will still plug through it for the story. I think story, especially for indiegames, have to be strong becuase, let's face it, our graphics and gameplay can't match with commercial games. Story is what grabs our players and keeps them there, at least from my experience. I've yet to play a indie game that has better gameplay than a commercial game (or better graphics, but I'm not much of a graphics whore anyway).

Second, for me, would be making cool scenes/events. That's pretty big. Like events after and before boss battles or discovering something important in the game or a twist or a war scene, etc. I like to call these scenes "reward scenes". It's like the creator is saying... you've played this far or beat this hard boss/dungeon, here is your reward! They make a huge difference, I find. I think that's why I hated Valkyrie Profile 2 so much... it had ZERO of these. Or what it did have was poorly and boringly done.