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Avelions - The Ancestors
The beginning of all stories~

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Let's work on your game descriptions!

@Marrend,
Oh, I missed that comma too, haha thanks. Yeah, I meant he inherited three souls, for a total of four. Ah got it, if I seperate these paragraphs, it wasn't clear who is "He" in "He was revived by a demon..." , my bad. Thank you so much, friend. One question, is there a good application to do a grammar checker by ourself? I hope you have a great day. ^^

Let's work on your game descriptions!

@Marrend.
A big thanks to you, friend. :) That's really fast. Love the details in your suggestion^^ I'll submit this version with a few improvement from my own references, like this :

In the year 779 MA, a hundred knights where chosen to go on a dangerous mission by the Epsylian Council. The mission, led by an Aelther Warlord code-named "Neptune", was to occupy, a camp of Looset Empire. This particular camp was a threat to the southern territories controlled by the Kingdoms Alliance.

It is generally believed that this raid had one survivor. It was Neptune, who actually betrayed the others in the raid, but used the incident for personal gain. Alcein was one of the knights sent by the Council under the command of Neptune. He saw, first-hand, Neptune's betrayal. His faith shattered, he soon found himself wandering between the the worlds of the living and the dead.

He was revived by a demon, and made more powerful with three other souls living in his body. With his new-found power, he returns in a glorious blaze, slaying thousands, and claimed a title in his own right.

Of course, the demon that revived Alcein made a contract with him, and is fully expecting to be paid when the contract is up. Will Alcen's thirst for vengeance spark another war? Is there any way he can make peace with himself before his contract is up?


Is this correct? I do hope they accepted this time. :)

Let's work on your game descriptions!

author=Marrend
Oh, crap, this thread. I remember looking briefly at cradth's post, and thinking I'll get back to it. Now I've got Xoe's too.

I swear, I sometimes wish I had an "Okiku_crying" face.

haha...sorry, my friend. I feel guilty now to put such a long post, I was hope there's not many grammatical error but I couldn't help it, since I don't know the mistakes there. :(

Let's work on your game descriptions!

Hello^^ I need some help. It's such a long description, I'd really appreciate it if anyone could help me fixing this. Thank you. :)


If you have a second chance to save thousands lives by killing four men, what would you do...?"

++STORY++

-779 M.A-

...Hundred Knights were chosen to venture on a dangerous mission by the Epsylian Council.Led by one Aelther Warlord codenamed Neptune. They sought to ravage a camp of Looset Empire,threat to the kingdom in the south territorial....

It is believed that all of them perished on the journey. In actual fact, there's one survivor who became a traitor between them, their only commander in the Battle of the Death Valley, He's Neptune... No one sees the truth except Alcein, a Knight among the 100 mens who died in misery, his faith is crumbling in rage, his soul is wandering unrest between Sheidh world and Hell...

...One day later, Alcein is revived and becomes more powerful with four souls in his body, his sword slays thousands, he returned victorious after defeating the enemies, saved thousands lives of his people. Alcein claims the wealth and glorious title under his name. But a contract with the demon to get his 2nd life has been made, the time to paid the price has come...

Alcein must let his alter egos avenge their suffering from Aelther Warlords. The other souls hold their own grudges just like him. This undeniably act most likely thing that could trigger another war in the process. Will he fulfil the Contract for this peculiarity atonement...?


++CHARACTERS++

Alcein Fraido, a young Elite Knight who died and came back to life with a great power to win the war in the Death Valley.
Auvrelyn deiz Selishandrei, one of the best fighters in Arsei Kingdom. She's mastering the technique of the Seven Swords and almost never defeated by anyone.
Einhazar Lizecsou, a dead veteran assassin in Nouma Empire, his soul traveled around the Jugement Gate and managed to spiritually invade into Alcein's body during the Black Contract.
Balcard Goram, The third soul in Alcein's body, he's is a naive barbarian who protect the Dark Dragon Temple.
Feior Yuai, comes from Yuai Family, a famous bloodline in Archery Skills. He has also been noted to in fact be rather skilled when it comes to women.

Eredia - Diary of Heroes

I'll give it try for sure. More review will come after. :)
First impression, the concept and the features are truly amazing.
Love the art style. Keep up the good work, man. Subbed this.

The Four Disasters

author=RishigangiX
Hey man, interesting project.
From the looks of it, the huds and the art looks really good.
Though, the mapping needs a bit more work though. For example, the cliffs are way too straight, and there are no trees or rocks on the like on the ground, which makes them look a bit artificial.
Anyway, I am gonna give this a try out and tell you what I think of it.


Hey, thanks for praises and your attention. :)
Yes, the mapping is a bit rush here and there, I'll keep your advise
for future releases.

Also thanks for deciding to give it a try, I'm looking forward to your feedback, critiques and advises are welcome, :D since this game is still a demo,
it needs a lot of improvements.

The Four Disasters

author=SapphireFalcon
Some issues with the game:
-Whenever I try to buy or sell something, I can only buy/sell one thing at a time
-Any weapons/accessories I give to a character who would be later replaced is gone forever (at least it seems like it's gone forever since this is still a demo and I don't know if they will return as playable characters again). It would be nice if the weapons/accessories I equipped certain characters gets returned to my inventory once they get replaced by other characters.

Despite the minor issues, I still enjoyed this demo very much; I'll be looking forward to when the game is completed! Thank you for taking the time to make this game for everyone to play~!

hello, thanks for kind words, getting a positive feedback
is always great. :D Yes, I'll fix these issues as soon as possible
right after the writing currently I'm working on is finished.

all characters in this game will return as playable characters again,
there are 40 in total (You can control them during a Tower Siege),
so don't worry about your stuff, the rare ones can only be equipped by
the main characters. :)

Advises are welcome. Stay tuned. :)

8.png

well done. so you're going to use Action Battle System? :)

9.png

awesome mapping! is this full parallax mapping?
how long it takes to make this room?

Avelions - The Ancestors

author=KokoroNoKuroko
The download link doesn't work anymore.
Sorry that it is in german, but it says that the download is not there anymore.

hello^^ thanks for report this issue.
the download link is fixed, check it out. :)
or you may try this link : http://hossistudio.wix.com/home#!stories-of-sheidh-i/c1wx3