TEHGUY'S PROFILE

Nice meme

author=Sated
In fairness, I was being snarky when I said that this was an "implied rape" scene

yeah I got it

At any rate, at least it's become clear I'll have to think about this kind of stuff from multiple angles before deciding to put it in

or maybe not care so long as I don't go overboard with it

You're now the second person to bring up "rape" in reference to this shot.. Funny thing is that I wasn't even thinking about that when I wrote it out, it was just "how can I make this guy seem like a detestable person"

What anime was this, out of curiosity? Couldn't hurt to add any more to my list
>->

author=CYBERLOUS
-Made by me;CYBERLOUS

(no duh) Ahem, anyways, unfortunately I lack the time to get real in depth (studying for tests is fun) so I'll just leave a quick fixer

First off, spaces after punctuation aids in readability and, second, if you find you're repeating a word quite a bit then it may be time to find some synonyms (IMO, as it starts to sound strange to me) or replace it with he/she/it/they/them/etc. Exceptions exist, of course.

I think what I'd suggest, beyond the grammatical stuff, is perhaps reading through it again and finding what could possibly be expanded on a bit, removed all together, or re-worded to kinda help with the flow of the whole thing


Without further adieu, a quick fix-up:

In the nation of Vurix people are fooled into thinking their everyday lives are truly "utopian", that the Vurixen governments rule is perfect; however, in the shadows 18-year-old Core knows far better. A victim of inhumane experiments performed by a government agency, known as Xeno, he seeks to bring down the tyrannical government and find freedom. (NOTE: this one sounds a bit odd having the word 'government' in there twice, IMO)

The Vurixan government is not foolish either. Core will have to give everything it takes to stop the them from setting their plans into action, but just what are they? During his ultimate mission for freedom, Core will gain allies that will help him greatly on his journey. He and his allies are some of the only people that know of the government's ways, and they're not alone; they're being watched, always.

Something is happening to Core due to his past as a human test subject for Xeno, something unnaturally inhuman. While Core is on the way to fight for his freedom the Earth is suffering, too, and it seems the whole universe knows it.

"The government controls us, the people, and nobody pays attention because nobody knows freedom. I don't either, but soon I will. All of us will." - Core

author=ZephyrAe
I was sent here by a submission denial. I'm kind of confused as to how my maps are being considered bland and would appreciate some advice. I'm adding a few of the maps I have, from the most bland looking to the ones I've put considerable detail into. This game is a murder mystery game dealing with Ace Lite constraints, so many of the map details need to be strategically placed for maximum output.

Hall.1

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I can see how this is considered bland. How can I update this without making it too busy, as the function of this map is more as a thoroughfare than an event room.

Hall.2

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Same story here, meant as a connector.

Foyer

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There are a few more ideas I'd like to add here, however they are heavily dependent on clue finalization.

Dining Room

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This is the opening room in the game. Where would this stand on the empty-overbearing spectrum.

Kitchen

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Ballroom

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The detail in this room was adding after my initial submission.

Library

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Thank you for looking at these images. I appreciate your advice.

Not an expert here by any means, but my first thought was "why are pretty much all of these maps so big"; perhaps reducing the dimensions should prove easier to deal with and make things feel less, ah, space-y?

Basically, I feel the amount of stuff a room has placed in it should be tied to it's size; large rooms that have barely anything in them and tiny rooms with a bunch of things make no sense, IMO.