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Twin_Brother.png
Clarity's Edge
The beginning cutscene has a lot of unnecessary turns? I dunno, the girl could have gone straight ahead but she chose to walk around the pole. She must really want to keep in formation I suppose.
The character creation was a bit laggy? Or maybe it's just me. There was a noticeable pause between the questions. I think it's likely to be the fault of the moving stars in the background slowing things down with their animation.
My answers to the questions:
I could have just gone straight to Lakeshire but when it comes to chests and other collectables in games, I essentially have to be a perfectionist. So I got attacked a lot while I was combing the maps for booty. After leveling up for the first time, I decided I would just flee the rest of the encounters. That plan quickly got thrown out the window since fleeing can either be fast or take so many tries that you're better off just killing the monster(s) to save time and effort. A bee got a lucky critical and dealt 300 damage to Rellik. I thought he was safe at 50% HP but apparently not. It wasn't really an issue since I was just at the outskirts of town by that point. Now I have Recall which will guarantee escape but has a hefty MP cost. It's better than nothing I guess.
When I saw that first cat from where you climb up the rope, I made it my mission to touch it. So I chased it around and that was when I got into my first monster encounter. So I taught that overgrown snake a lesson for rudely interrupting me. Then I cornered the cat. I chose Battle Mage for my class by the way. I figured my party members were likely to be warriors so there wasn't a need for me to be one as well. Filaris has Taunt to cover the tank role already and while safe, having another one would just dampen the fun if you take risks and danger out of the equation. Edgeward is an... odd default name though. Got Harra on my party so my uniqueness of being the sole mage is no longer true. At least I still have a Time Rune to one-up everyone. What does Filaris' Leap skill do? The description doesn't tell me anything I don't already know.
There was a Guard Captain to northeast section of that first area. It certainly pays to explore instead of just rushing through. It was at this moment that I realized... there's no quest log in the menu. It would certainly help to know what you're supposed to do in case you forget. This applies to both story and side-quests. That guy needed... 5 field bandages. Dunno if I should buy them from a shop or if it's possible for monsters to drop them.
Is there a way to not make the game full-screen? I like to write down my thoughts so that I don't forget so it's a bit of an inconvenience to have to hit the windows menu button on my keyboard or trigger sticky keys by hitting shift five times all just to be able to click away from the game.
Love the Skyrim reference the guy at Lakeshire docks makes. Took some money from the Baron's chest. Kleptomaniac heroes are always the best. XD
Filaris kind of irritated me when he told the Baron and Captain about my rune and Harra even said not to tell anyone about it just moments ago. Can't wait til I get new party members to play with. Pain is a weird name for a status that lowers max MP. How about Trauma (the psychological kind; not the physical) instead?
Oh, and cool avatar you have there. Reminds me of a comic where Ike (Fire Emblem) took his headband and wore it as a blindfold to fit in with the masked characters in Smash. Or was he trying to emulate Lucario. I can't remember. Well, expect another post from me once I get considerably farther in the game.
The character creation was a bit laggy? Or maybe it's just me. There was a noticeable pause between the questions. I think it's likely to be the fault of the moving stars in the background slowing things down with their animation.
My answers to the questions:
Sandy coastline since the others are too harsh environments for me (desert and tundra) or possibly dangerous (shady woods). Hills and mountains are just too inconvenient to climb. The coastline has the perk of being able to fish from it.
Take a chance. I ain't killing, drawing straws, or sacrificing myself. Who is to say that the person who got the short end of the straw will just accept their fate? Sacrificing myself would be the goody-two shoes answer but let's face it, it ain't likely you're gonna be doing that for strangers. You can say you will when you're not actually in that situation but when it actually happens... Praying to god isn't too different from taking a chance. I suppose it depends on how religious you are. If you're not, you're basically hoping things turn out for the best either way. Trying to dig yourself out has its pros and cons. It does mean you're not just gonna sit there doing nothing and instead are taking fate into your hands. However, you digging some more might just end up worsening your situation and bury yourself deeper in your grave.
Save the little boy. Old lady has already lived her life, while mom, dad, and teenage girl would mourn everyone who died and possibly take their own life out of survival guilt. The boy wouldn't be affected as much, as cruel as that sounds. Obviously I wouldn't choose the murderer. XD
Negotiate. All the options are pretty unfavorable in my case. Attacking would just led to my own death, stalling will just delay the inevitable, refusing will get me put on their priority list, pleading never works according to fiction, and obviously I wouldn't want the death of my friend on my hands. Though really, the only I could negotiate would be me taking my friend's place.
Take a chance. I ain't killing, drawing straws, or sacrificing myself. Who is to say that the person who got the short end of the straw will just accept their fate? Sacrificing myself would be the goody-two shoes answer but let's face it, it ain't likely you're gonna be doing that for strangers. You can say you will when you're not actually in that situation but when it actually happens... Praying to god isn't too different from taking a chance. I suppose it depends on how religious you are. If you're not, you're basically hoping things turn out for the best either way. Trying to dig yourself out has its pros and cons. It does mean you're not just gonna sit there doing nothing and instead are taking fate into your hands. However, you digging some more might just end up worsening your situation and bury yourself deeper in your grave.
Save the little boy. Old lady has already lived her life, while mom, dad, and teenage girl would mourn everyone who died and possibly take their own life out of survival guilt. The boy wouldn't be affected as much, as cruel as that sounds. Obviously I wouldn't choose the murderer. XD
Negotiate. All the options are pretty unfavorable in my case. Attacking would just led to my own death, stalling will just delay the inevitable, refusing will get me put on their priority list, pleading never works according to fiction, and obviously I wouldn't want the death of my friend on my hands. Though really, the only I could negotiate would be me taking my friend's place.
I could have just gone straight to Lakeshire but when it comes to chests and other collectables in games, I essentially have to be a perfectionist. So I got attacked a lot while I was combing the maps for booty. After leveling up for the first time, I decided I would just flee the rest of the encounters. That plan quickly got thrown out the window since fleeing can either be fast or take so many tries that you're better off just killing the monster(s) to save time and effort. A bee got a lucky critical and dealt 300 damage to Rellik. I thought he was safe at 50% HP but apparently not. It wasn't really an issue since I was just at the outskirts of town by that point. Now I have Recall which will guarantee escape but has a hefty MP cost. It's better than nothing I guess.
When I saw that first cat from where you climb up the rope, I made it my mission to touch it. So I chased it around and that was when I got into my first monster encounter. So I taught that overgrown snake a lesson for rudely interrupting me. Then I cornered the cat. I chose Battle Mage for my class by the way. I figured my party members were likely to be warriors so there wasn't a need for me to be one as well. Filaris has Taunt to cover the tank role already and while safe, having another one would just dampen the fun if you take risks and danger out of the equation. Edgeward is an... odd default name though. Got Harra on my party so my uniqueness of being the sole mage is no longer true. At least I still have a Time Rune to one-up everyone. What does Filaris' Leap skill do? The description doesn't tell me anything I don't already know.
There was a Guard Captain to northeast section of that first area. It certainly pays to explore instead of just rushing through. It was at this moment that I realized... there's no quest log in the menu. It would certainly help to know what you're supposed to do in case you forget. This applies to both story and side-quests. That guy needed... 5 field bandages. Dunno if I should buy them from a shop or if it's possible for monsters to drop them.
Is there a way to not make the game full-screen? I like to write down my thoughts so that I don't forget so it's a bit of an inconvenience to have to hit the windows menu button on my keyboard or trigger sticky keys by hitting shift five times all just to be able to click away from the game.
Love the Skyrim reference the guy at Lakeshire docks makes. Took some money from the Baron's chest. Kleptomaniac heroes are always the best. XD
Filaris kind of irritated me when he told the Baron and Captain about my rune and Harra even said not to tell anyone about it just moments ago. Can't wait til I get new party members to play with. Pain is a weird name for a status that lowers max MP. How about Trauma (the psychological kind; not the physical) instead?
Oh, and cool avatar you have there. Reminds me of a comic where Ike (Fire Emblem) took his headband and wore it as a blindfold to fit in with the masked characters in Smash. Or was he trying to emulate Lucario. I can't remember. Well, expect another post from me once I get considerably farther in the game.
Build_Example.png
When characters level up, do you get to pick where their stat points go or do you have them predetermined?
I meant along the lines of retaliate/revenge, where you have to get smacked and take damage before you counter. Rather than a "I'm prepared for your attacks", it's a "you hit me but I managed to hit you back because you're vulnerable after attacking".
In the same vein, I remembered that an opponent whose physical attack misses--perhaps due to overextending--is also open to a counter. Don't know what it would be called though. Opportunity? I suppose it wouldn't be as good as counter since it's harder to make your opponent miss an attack--even with evasion buff/accuracy nerf--than to get targeted/hit by one. Less chance of triggering. A boss that specializes in blinding/evasion buff would certainly appreciate it though. You would have to cure that status or debuff him or risk missing and getting countered.
Here are some nasty status effects:
Cursed: A status that prevents the afflicted from healing HP/MP until they're cured.
Lost: A condition where the target has been removed from the battle, probably via being sucked into a portal and teleported somewhere else. The character is Lost until the current battle ends. This isn't as bad for SMT (where it originates) since you should have replacement demons in reserve to summon in case of situations like this. But in this game, you only have 4 party members. I still think it can work like Seth's Desert Wind (Digital Devil Saga) attack which blows away one character. On the following turn, the character will return.
Polymorphed: The target has been turned into some other species, usually a weak one that has low stats, no skills, and likely to have a elemental weakness that the caster can now capitalize on.
Karma: The afflicted will take a percentage of the damage they dealt unless they're cured. This is particularly dangerous for high-damage dealers, especially ones that attack multiple targets. You too will suffer the pain you've inflicted on others.
However, this can also be one of those statuses that have a beneficial effect you can take advantage of. Karma isn't necessarily bad after all. Rather it's 'what you do to others will also be done to you'. So if a character with Karma heals a teammate, they too will be healed. Likewise for buffs/cures. While a clever mechanic, it does have the issue of being very tricky to code dual-wise though...
Life Link: A variant of Karma. Two targets have been linked together, whether it be an ally and enemy, two allies, or two enemies. It's not likely to be that last one though. Characters that are Linked, are essentially two people with a rope tied around and connecting them to each other. If either one falls, the other will get taken down with them. What this means RPG mechanic-wise is that if one character takes damage the other will take damage as well. If one is statused/cured/healed/buffed/debuffed/or KO-ed, the other is as well.
A boss that has linked with one of your party members is a dangerous one. Everything you do to the boss will also be done to the linked. If somehow you manage to acquire a method of inflicting a Life Link, you can apply it on your enemies to kill them easier. Like Karma though, this is a nightmare to code.
Sword users get a base skill called Parry that makes them counter all phys. attacks for the turn, and works great along with the shield skill Clatter, which makes enemies more likely to attack you. So abilities playing off of each other are really fun for me.Ah, I didn't mean a state that nullifies all physical attacks directed at a certain target and then smacks the opposition for daring to get physical with them.
I meant along the lines of retaliate/revenge, where you have to get smacked and take damage before you counter. Rather than a "I'm prepared for your attacks", it's a "you hit me but I managed to hit you back because you're vulnerable after attacking".
In the same vein, I remembered that an opponent whose physical attack misses--perhaps due to overextending--is also open to a counter. Don't know what it would be called though. Opportunity? I suppose it wouldn't be as good as counter since it's harder to make your opponent miss an attack--even with evasion buff/accuracy nerf--than to get targeted/hit by one. Less chance of triggering. A boss that specializes in blinding/evasion buff would certainly appreciate it though. You would have to cure that status or debuff him or risk missing and getting countered.
I like those passive ideas and I'll see what I can do with 'em. I'll have to post a chart and some info soon of different skill ideas and concepts I have implemented, and you'll have to let me know what you think!You bet I will!
Here are some nasty status effects:
Cursed: A status that prevents the afflicted from healing HP/MP until they're cured.
Lost: A condition where the target has been removed from the battle, probably via being sucked into a portal and teleported somewhere else. The character is Lost until the current battle ends. This isn't as bad for SMT (where it originates) since you should have replacement demons in reserve to summon in case of situations like this. But in this game, you only have 4 party members. I still think it can work like Seth's Desert Wind (Digital Devil Saga) attack which blows away one character. On the following turn, the character will return.
Polymorphed: The target has been turned into some other species, usually a weak one that has low stats, no skills, and likely to have a elemental weakness that the caster can now capitalize on.
Karma: The afflicted will take a percentage of the damage they dealt unless they're cured. This is particularly dangerous for high-damage dealers, especially ones that attack multiple targets. You too will suffer the pain you've inflicted on others.
However, this can also be one of those statuses that have a beneficial effect you can take advantage of. Karma isn't necessarily bad after all. Rather it's 'what you do to others will also be done to you'. So if a character with Karma heals a teammate, they too will be healed. Likewise for buffs/cures. While a clever mechanic, it does have the issue of being very tricky to code dual-wise though...
Life Link: A variant of Karma. Two targets have been linked together, whether it be an ally and enemy, two allies, or two enemies. It's not likely to be that last one though. Characters that are Linked, are essentially two people with a rope tied around and connecting them to each other. If either one falls, the other will get taken down with them. What this means RPG mechanic-wise is that if one character takes damage the other will take damage as well. If one is statused/cured/healed/buffed/debuffed/or KO-ed, the other is as well.
A boss that has linked with one of your party members is a dangerous one. Everything you do to the boss will also be done to the linked. If somehow you manage to acquire a method of inflicting a Life Link, you can apply it on your enemies to kill them easier. Like Karma though, this is a nightmare to code.
Suiren
If I wanted to share fanart of this game, where would be the best place to post it? Here, or somewhere else? :)At the top, right below the game header, click on 'Submit Media'.
Title your work, in Body post your image url between img tags, and then select 'Fan Art' from the Category drop-list.
CEScreen_25.png
Build_Example.png
I take it a one-time auto-revive accessory would be too powerful?
Yep, passives such as auto-regen, start the battle by auto-casting a buff on self, immunity to a status, increased critical hit chance, endure (survive with 1 HP once per battle), chance to counterattack when struck, drain (restore a percentage of HP based on the damage your attacks do), attacks gain a status property (chance to stun/inflict status effect/debuff), skills/spells do extra damage but cost more, etc.
I'd also be interested in an accessory that reduces your max HP/reduces your defenses for greatly improved damage proficiency. Basically, a "squishy mage" build though it doesn't necessarily have to lean towards magic. I'm quite fond of high-risk, high-reward. There could also be an accessory that halves the effectiveness of healing on the equipped character and compensates with... something.
As for command skills, a blood spell would be cool. Instead of MP, it would cost HP.
Yep, passives such as auto-regen, start the battle by auto-casting a buff on self, immunity to a status, increased critical hit chance, endure (survive with 1 HP once per battle), chance to counterattack when struck, drain (restore a percentage of HP based on the damage your attacks do), attacks gain a status property (chance to stun/inflict status effect/debuff), skills/spells do extra damage but cost more, etc.
I'd also be interested in an accessory that reduces your max HP/reduces your defenses for greatly improved damage proficiency. Basically, a "squishy mage" build though it doesn't necessarily have to lean towards magic. I'm quite fond of high-risk, high-reward. There could also be an accessory that halves the effectiveness of healing on the equipped character and compensates with... something.
As for command skills, a blood spell would be cool. Instead of MP, it would cost HP.
screenshot177.png
Oh boy, I just remembered that conveyor belts aren't a very good place to fight on--for the players that is. They force you to move so you can't stay still and hack away at the enemies on them with melee attacks or you'll get pushed into said enemies or--if they're situated over a bottomless chasm--drop you to your death (or is this one of those games that just make you lose a chunk of HP instead of instant-death?). It's likely that a boss of the mechanical persuasion is fought on platforms that solely consist of them (one way to trick up the player is to reverse the direction of the conveyor belts every now and then. You're moving right on a conveyor belt (that is moving left) when suddenly it shifts right and the momentum throws you right off and into a pit! There's likely gonna be an industrial world in this game where they're commonplace.
I suppose if you're feeling especially cruel, you can make switches that you have to hit with an attack/or step on to change the direction a conveyor belt is moving. The catch is that you would have to do it to progress because you need it moving in a certain direction. That would add a puzzle element to it? Though really, I'm just imagining a timed switch so you have to be fast about it.
Speaking of platform types, I suppose you'll also have slippery ice floors and those tiles that break/disappear a few seconds after you step on them (and reform a few secs later). There's so many potential ways to kill--I mean challenge the players.
Hmm, what do I remember from playing platforming games? Well, there's those mushroom platforms in Mario. The ones that shrink and expand so you have to time your jumps. If there's an enemy on them and you're also on the platform when it shrinks, you'll be getting some contact damage.
And I remember in Donkey Kong that the lightning levels are vicious since a bolt of lightning periodically strikes you every once in a while. You have to time your movement at the swimming sections 'cause you will get electrocuted if you're in water when it gets zapped. Both Mario and DK are also fond of chase levels where something invincible will relentlessly pursue you until you're dead. Both are also fond of vertical levels where you have to climb up since there's lava pouring up from the bottom.
Ones that really stuck out to me was the Low-Gravity and Wind levels. I suppose there's the Mine Cart levels too but I don't you'll probably make one of those.
Extrapolating from the Kaptain K. Rool battle, you could create an enemy that shoots poison gas that reverses the left/right keys to screw with players. Mushroom enemies could do that and it'd make the Mushroom boss interesting to fight.
Also, enemies that can hurt the player with their death are nice and serve as reminders not to let your guard down even if you kill them. Enemies like robots could have their bodies explode a few seconds after you defeat them, damaging you if you don't move away in time. The particularly nasty ones can not only explode but also release shrapnel projectiles after the explosion so you're still not safe even if you avoid being blown up.
Adding to the possible mechanical world, you can't forget traps like lasers that periodically flicker on and off to make you time when to move through them. Mines are like bombs except dotted over the floor to make you watch your step.
I suppose if you're feeling especially cruel, you can make switches that you have to hit with an attack/or step on to change the direction a conveyor belt is moving. The catch is that you would have to do it to progress because you need it moving in a certain direction. That would add a puzzle element to it? Though really, I'm just imagining a timed switch so you have to be fast about it.
Speaking of platform types, I suppose you'll also have slippery ice floors and those tiles that break/disappear a few seconds after you step on them (and reform a few secs later). There's so many potential ways to kill--I mean challenge the players.
Hmm, what do I remember from playing platforming games? Well, there's those mushroom platforms in Mario. The ones that shrink and expand so you have to time your jumps. If there's an enemy on them and you're also on the platform when it shrinks, you'll be getting some contact damage.
And I remember in Donkey Kong that the lightning levels are vicious since a bolt of lightning periodically strikes you every once in a while. You have to time your movement at the swimming sections 'cause you will get electrocuted if you're in water when it gets zapped. Both Mario and DK are also fond of chase levels where something invincible will relentlessly pursue you until you're dead. Both are also fond of vertical levels where you have to climb up since there's lava pouring up from the bottom.
Ones that really stuck out to me was the Low-Gravity and Wind levels. I suppose there's the Mine Cart levels too but I don't you'll probably make one of those.
Extrapolating from the Kaptain K. Rool battle, you could create an enemy that shoots poison gas that reverses the left/right keys to screw with players. Mushroom enemies could do that and it'd make the Mushroom boss interesting to fight.
Also, enemies that can hurt the player with their death are nice and serve as reminders not to let your guard down even if you kill them. Enemies like robots could have their bodies explode a few seconds after you defeat them, damaging you if you don't move away in time. The particularly nasty ones can not only explode but also release shrapnel projectiles after the explosion so you're still not safe even if you avoid being blown up.
Adding to the possible mechanical world, you can't forget traps like lasers that periodically flicker on and off to make you time when to move through them. Mines are like bombs except dotted over the floor to make you watch your step.
Dead Illusion
Ah, in the "Tv screen" image, I thought the blonde girl was actually a human--his little sister--and that she was holding a red ball when really it's just part of her dress. I assumed the Ms. Teethy was her malicious spirit come back from the dead to torment Bradley. It never occurred to me that she was a doll.
Oh, and I was under the assumption that the woman next to Bradley in that image was his mother. She could certainly pass for one so you can see how I misunderstood everything like an idiot. My bad.
Oh, and I was under the assumption that the woman next to Bradley in that image was his mother. She could certainly pass for one so you can see how I misunderstood everything like an idiot. My bad.
Demo 1.2
Aaaannnndddd right when I posted for version 1.1, it turns out that you came out with version 1.2. Now I have to download 1.2 just to see that jumpscare. X___X
Hmm, noticed that you changed the heading. Now there are three new girls (left side) and a possibly creepy guy on the right. That blonde girl looks kind of smug with the way her lips are curled and eyebrows are raised.
Hmm, noticed that you changed the heading. Now there are three new girls (left side) and a possibly creepy guy on the right. That blonde girl looks kind of smug with the way her lips are curled and eyebrows are raised.
I think that this is the really last upgrade of the demo version, I'll be quite busy for a bit and except for really big problems that could show up we will fix eventually other tiny problems only for the complete version, we need to move on with the next stage of the game!Yeah, I suppose the demo is good enough now. You can fix anything you've overlooked later on. It's more important to finish the rest of the game first.
Suiren
author=shayokoActually, that's calledMegumi must be a stupid character...she questions her friends if they can believe the demons story about it being a dream
but...its already been confirmed by them that they passed out.
and frederika. questions how they got into this situation despite the demon explaining that to them mere seconds ago...
not being gullible. In situations like this, people like her will try to find logical reasons for everything. Them passing out? Knockout gas. Demon girl? Kidnapper wearing a costume and playing a prank on them. It's customary for someone in a supernatural setting to deny it being real.
Frederika isn't questioning how they got into their situation. She merely made a statement not expecting an actual answer. Have you or someone you've known ever had something strange/bad happen to you and said "How could this happen to me?" Well, it's the same thing with Frederika.
You do have a point that Megumi looking away from the party in the CG is strange. It's her and Frederika won't don't seem to get along. Isamu even said during his birthday party that they haven't gotten into an argument (yet) for his sake. Though it seems Megumi's the one who starts their quarrels each time. She's quite antagonistic. Wonder what the history behind that is. Anyway, I wouldn't say their friendship broke apart since there's just friction between those two girls. Things could have gotten worse if Isamu wasn't there to play mediator (since Tomoko obviously is too timid to stop them). I suppose those two aren't friends with each other but with Isamu and Tomoko instead. So even if they don't like each other, they still have to try and be civil and tolerant of each other for Isamu and Tomoko's sake.
Frederika isn't questioning how they got into their situation. She merely made a statement not expecting an actual answer. Have you or someone you've known ever had something strange/bad happen to you and said "How could this happen to me?" Well, it's the same thing with Frederika.
You do have a point that Megumi looking away from the party in the CG is strange. It's her and Frederika won't don't seem to get along. Isamu even said during his birthday party that they haven't gotten into an argument (yet) for his sake. Though it seems Megumi's the one who starts their quarrels each time. She's quite antagonistic. Wonder what the history behind that is. Anyway, I wouldn't say their friendship broke apart since there's just friction between those two girls. Things could have gotten worse if Isamu wasn't there to play mediator (since Tomoko obviously is too timid to stop them). I suppose those two aren't friends with each other but with Isamu and Tomoko instead. So even if they don't like each other, they still have to try and be civil and tolerant of each other for Isamu and Tomoko's sake.
@Kya90 Went through the updated demo. I still think Tomoko's dot eyes when she goes "eeeeeek!" don't convey her fear but I suppose you might not have any other portraits for those occasions. I didn't mention this when I should have but there are a lot of unnecessary commas in a good amount of the dialogues. I don't have time right now to go over them in-game unless you can like give me the entire script for demo.
Anyway, the new version is improved now that corrections have been made. It reads much better than before. There are still some mistakes that I've overlooked though. Don't update another version until you've caught them all to save some effort on your part. You wouldn't want to release another one again so soon just because you happened to miss a few things, right?
Oh, I almost forgot. A little nitpick I have for the white room scene
I don't like how they move onto the tiles one-by-one or that Tomoko has to move away first before Frederika can pass. Like, everyone should be moving towards their spots at the same time and while Tomoko is moving away, Frederika should be moving up at the same time. Do you get what I mean here? Though, it might be that it's too complicated for you to script it like that? If so, I'm okay with if you can't do it.
More proofreading:
It's only now that I realize 'How are you guys?' sounds right but it actually doesn't when I read it with the other part of that dialogue. I overlooked that because the comma that shouldn't have been there had distracted me (that and I didn't write down the rest of the dialogue to see if it would make sense altogether). It should be 'Are you guys okay?'.
You can check general controls into the "controls" file in the game folder.
Don't worry about us, when our king will be ok, we can be mended.
Don't worry about us, when our king is whole again, we can be mended. It sounds better that way.
Whythere are are there tomatoes in a bedroom? Can't believe I didn't notice that. Well, it just goes to show you can make mistakes while correcting others.
even the green wasn't enough... (While the added dialogue for the pink bunny was nice, I think you can clarify further by saying 'even coloring them green wasn't enough...')
We don't have a choice... one of the pieces is surely in there... let's start!
No! I told you that you could pass throught, but I never said anythinh about returning... This sentence wasn't fixed. Actually, you added a typo... 'through' remove the 't' at the end. 'anything'
These fruits looks so tasty!
D... do you think he's naked? How embarrassing! Needs a second 'r'. Can't believe I missed that...
Or maybe maths, since he's so bad at it... Just to make it sound better.
Fool, who told you that I lackoin money? Again, my attention was directed at the obvious mistake (tell instead of told) that I didn't notice 'on'. Actually, you could make this sentence a lot shorter by saying 'Fool, I already have more money than I need/can spend.'
I can't believe it... it's a sewing needle! You are great Isamu! I still think 'You have a good eye, Isamu!' would have sounded better. 'You are great!' could be applied to anything but 'You have a good eye, Isamu!' is saying that he's good at noticing details.
My Halloween's costume. No need for possessive apostrophe in this case.
As always, no invadoers. How embarrassing of me. I actually forgot to correct this. Invaders, not invadors. My bad. I saw the first 's' in 'invasors' but I didn't notice the 'o'.
This... this could be useful... I'll give them it as a token of my gratitude.
You need to add 'it'. Again, I was caught up in fixing the 'gratitude token' that I forgot to make sure the sentence itself sounded right. Also, the ellipses are still in the middle instead of low.
We can't continue like this(should be a period here instead of a comma) We arrived at this point cooperating together, now we have to stay united! Together we can doeveryanything!
Yes,it that's true. Megumi, if you hadn't stopped me
I can't leave the tile! Nothing wrong with the sentence but it'd still sound better if it said 'this spot!'
In the opening song at the end, it says 'Everyone are waiting'. Should be 'is waiting'.
Totheir most hidden dreams the deepest recesses of their minds. One definition of 'recess' is 'a remote, secluded, or secret place.' So a recess of your mind is a part of your mind that is secret, hidden or--I believe this is what you were going for--something they've forgotten or repressed.
However, changing that will also require 'Or maybe their nightmares?' to be modified as well. Hmm. How about... 'Who knows what kind of happy memories they'll see? Or maybe... maaaayyyybbbbeeee they'll find those horrible nightmares that they locked away? (You can keep the 'Hahahahaha' part that comes immediately after that)
You can check general controls in
Don't worry about us, when our king will be ok, we can be mended.
Don't worry about us, when our king is whole again, we can be mended. It sounds better that way.
Why
even the green wasn't enough... (While the added dialogue for the pink bunny was nice, I think you can clarify further by saying 'even coloring them green wasn't enough...')
We don't have a choice... one of the pieces is surely in there... let's start!
No! I told you that you could pass throught, but I never said anythinh about returning... This sentence wasn't fixed. Actually, you added a typo... 'through' remove the 't' at the end. 'anything'
These fruits look
D... do you think he's naked? How embarrassing! Needs a second 'r'. Can't believe I missed that...
Or maybe maths, since he's so bad at it... Just to make it sound better.
Fool, who told you that I lack
I can't believe it... it's a sewing needle! You are great Isamu! I still think 'You have a good eye, Isamu!' would have sounded better. 'You are great!' could be applied to anything but 'You have a good eye, Isamu!' is saying that he's good at noticing details.
My Halloween
As always, no invad
This... this could be useful... I'll give them it as a token of my gratitude.
You need to add 'it'. Again, I was caught up in fixing the 'gratitude token' that I forgot to make sure the sentence itself sounded right. Also, the ellipses are still in the middle instead of low.
We can't continue like this(should be a period here instead of a comma) We arrived at this point cooperating together, now we have to stay united! Together we can do
Yes,
I can't leave the tile! Nothing wrong with the sentence but it'd still sound better if it said 'this spot!'
In the opening song at the end, it says 'Everyone are waiting'. Should be 'is waiting'.
To
However, changing that will also require 'Or maybe their nightmares?' to be modified as well. Hmm. How about... 'Who knows what kind of happy memories they'll see? Or maybe... maaaayyyybbbbeeee they'll find those horrible nightmares that they locked away? (You can keep the 'Hahahahaha' part that comes immediately after that)
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